Absconding Mediocrity

Something Good This Way Comes...

2009-04-06T05:26:00.000-07:00

"ALL" I want to do is...

not wake up to 6" of snow everywhere in the middle of APRIL!1@#!$ [seriously?...I never thought that snow would be this depressing]

get into PT school [crossing my fingers for this next year]

get hitched [it's gettin closer at least]

find a car for less than $2,000 [preferably brand new or with under 10,000 miles :)...riiiight]

become either an expert mountain man, cyclist, or maybe in some stranger field of interest like petrology [that's the study of rocks, in case you didn't already know]

read more

watch less Cash Cab [its so easily addictive. don't knock it till you've tried it]

-------------I inserted this picture from "What About Bob" [GREAT movie] because I can just imagine Bill Murray saying, "Doc, come on...I need, I need, I need, I want, I want!" Sounds like me about now :)-------------

That's not too much to ask, right? Haha...there are so many aspirations that I do have, whether jokingly or not. And in May the time is coming to be closer to all of that which I hope to do and become. Exciting times! Overall I suppose its important to realize that aside from all of my desires and conquests, there are two core things that matter more. I know these things without having to ponder them, for they come from deep within my being: that God is and can be my only dependable foundation, and that the people I trust, care about most, and love [who return the favor of course] are important to stay in contact with and be close to whenever possible. In talking to a friend on the phone the other day, we found together during conversation that relationships, whether with Him or the image of Him on earth here, are truly important to subsistence. I suppose this just made me realize that even though I think it would be awesome to be somewhere else--ANYWHERE else with this stupid snow in APRIL!!! (come onnnnnnnnnn...)--I'm good here. Not just good...great! As Jakob Dylan says, "got a..good woman by my side"...check...and some of the people I'm closest to live within [several] hours.

On a side and [ending] note: I just found another book that holds 20 or 30 teachings by Brother Yun. It's called "Living Water". Any one read it and think it was good? I'm about to begin...

Love yall

Flying Time...

2009-03-30T22:11:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how quickly the last year of undergraduate school has passed...not to say it's over--for there still remain many things to happen before my Spring Arbor education comes to a close--but it is ever so quickly approaching! I often remenisce about what has happened in the past 8 years of my life...so much.

As my amazing girlfriend has pointed out awhile ago, blogging is something that I truly have treasured in the past. It's a source of inspiration and an outlet of emotion. I don't necessarily feel the need to justify my "re-start" of this blogging adventure, but still I say to all who have read this THANK YOU for your thoughts, and...here we go again!

The past 8 years...hmm...Dalton, Ohio changed my life. Never would I have been able to meet such genuine people and formed such deep friendship(s) if my parents hadn't made the decision to move to Dalton. I still remember balling when we won the bid on the house on Arnold Rd. I remember getting off the bus in middle school and yelling to Ryan across the ravine, "Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? HAHAHAHAHA [obnoxious, SUPER obnoxious laugh]". I remember being a paintballing King and having many friends and other players be afraid of me, Ryan, and Nick because we would always dominate others with our different tactics. I remember forming an incredible group of guy friends with Jason, Thane, and Tim...I remember Jason getting married. I remember Janine's death and the two lifelong friendships formed with Austin and Ryan because of it. I remember her impact on the entire community. I remember my first semester of college-> feeling that I definitely did not want to be at SAU. But then knowing by the end of the year that the Lord had his hand in this plan called 'my life'. I remember working construction, growing beards, playing with my nieces, trying to wakeboard, camping, traveling, streaking, t-p-ing, overnighters, parties, dirtbiking, encouragement given by my mom and dad so often, teetering relationships, conformity, worshipping, leading, laughing, loving so many people.......

These and countless others are memories that I TREASURE...and treasure deeply.

OH and though these are thoughts of the past, both joyful and solemn, I don't recall these extraordinary occurences to dismiss them. Rather, to express in some way and to anyone desiring to read this, that I have had a wonderful life. And that I have a wonderful life. Though it literally brings tears to my eyes to reminisce over these things, a new era is dawning:

I remember the growth that SAU has instilled within me. I remember the touching of my spirit that God increased. I remember the intense strengthening of Ryan and I's friendship. I remember my parents going to China and the plethora of feelings from this. I remember recognizing that dealing with this change would take more than one moment. I remember meeting a stunning young lady that caught the attention of my eye, my soul, and my mind. I remember telling her, and only her, that I loved her and her feeling the same. I remember knowing that I want to marry her. I remember being scared out of my mind that graduation is in 1.5 months (as of right this moment), but being okay because of what great potential lies ahead of me!

I can't really say that there was a purpose to this specific blog posting besides sparking my thoughts and stirring up that dusty mind of mine. But it has sure been nice.

I'm so excited for my family to be all together again in May, and for Crissie to be able to be a part of it all with me. Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with such a variety of experience in life thus far. Please hover 'round my family and friends and continue pouring out your love through me. I love you God.

and I love you all (ya'll ;] )

I will try to write again soon. I promise.

Anotha Update!

2008-11-13T03:40:00.001-08:00

I figure that I may as well give a life update to ya'll while I'm on blogger right now...

My plane tickets just came in for my Christmas trip to Chi_a!!! I'm heading over there for 2 weeks during my Christmas break to see mom and dad and I'm really excited. I'm also really looking forward to Thanksgiving! Justin and Beth and the girls decided to stay in Ohio for this Thanksgiving and I'm ever so thankful. Crissie and I were going to come home for a day or so anyways during Thanksgiving break, to see Chris, Laura, and Maddie. Now Justin's fam. will be here too so ya can't beat that! I love my brothers so much. With my parents away in "that country way over there", they mean much more than I can ever express to each of them. To be able to spend Thanksgiving with them will be an enormous blessing. I am thankful for my family. I've been blessed with an amazing one, despite distances apart from each other.

School is crazy right now. I try to load the middle of my day up with as much as I possibly can so that I don't get stressed out. This rarely works, but the end of the semester is inevitably nearing...this is both good and bad as I have a ton of work to finish before the end.

All is well. This weekend, Damon (chief of staff, Spring Arbor University--we [ me + six other dudes] live in his big house) is taking us to Indianapolis for a night and a day. We'll stay in the Indy WESTIN 4-star hotel, dine finely at the best restaurants that are offered there, see the new bond movie somewhere, hang out, and have an AMAZING time of fellowship. I went with the house last year, too, and it was such a great time! We leave Friday at 3pm and don't get back till around 9:30 or 10pm on Saturday, when we will be having a guys poker night!

Love ya'll...

I would just like to point out that this picture is of ME PINNING JUSTIN in West Virginia. It's proof bro. You may have had a couple more drinks than me, but fair and square I kicked yer @$$. :) Just thought everyone should see this. And once more, I am stronger than Justin King.(haha, just kidding....but seriously I am)

On Being Saved thru Faith...

2008-11-13T03:36:00.001-08:00

Looking through some more of John Piper's video's, I simply can't get enough. This man is annointed. I can see it on him. I can feel it when I listen to a freaking online video. Here's another video about why God chose for us to be saved through faith. SO good. I pray and hope that all who watch this will be blessed and convicted as I am. If you don't agree with this stuff. I'm sorry :) and I love you :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBYsWwk2410

Click above link to watch video...
sfk

Prosperity Gospel...

2008-11-13T03:11:00.000-08:00

Here's a video from a sermon from John Piper. John Piper is the Pastor for Preaching at Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I don't know much about him besides that he schooled at Fuller Theological Seminary and the University of Munich. I do think this video is crazy convicting and that there is a lot of truth in it. I'll warn you that at times it is intense...but I'd say worth it. He is briefly talking passionately about what has been grown to be called the prosperity gospel-telling people that all events and life will be completely better and okay if you just start a relationship with our Lord. But I think as we all know, there is suffering that takes place in our lives. There are hardships. Painful situations. Bad health. Financial struggle. Health and wealth are incredible blessings. The Lord uses each of these, whether its financial abundance or healing in his name or just a clean bill of health for someone who hasn't experienced much sickness. This all is AMAZING and the Lord uses prosperity no doubt. But to tell someone, especially in a third world environment, that earthly prosperity is what they'll inherit upon calling on Jesus' name--we need to stay away from this. I can't say it well, but I think that Piper has a great outlook on this topic and I think you should watch this video...
love ya'll...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTc_FoELt8s

Click the above link to see video by John Piper.

A Beautiful Day...

2008-11-05T10:24:00.000-08:00

Today outside is beautiful. Truthfully, it's been like this for several days now and gone by relatively unnoticed by me...and what a pity it is to let beauty go unnoticed!

As I type this I'm sitting on my house's front porch watching people go by on walks and watching the bright yellow and orange leaves blow in the wind. It sounds like a magical place putting the scenery into words, and to be at all honest, it is a little magical.

How do I get so caught up in my selfish desire to be concerned about stressful work, homework, and whatever else--that I would miss such a display of God's creation? I don't know, but today, as I write this, I simply am saying [and thinking], "Thank You, God!"...
I think that sometimes God makes days like this happen in order to tell some of us, "lighten up, will ya?" Lay the stuff you're worried about at my feet and enjoy me! Do what you need to get done and look out there at what I'm doing and what I've made...it's for you! and for me! Enjoy it!...

Haha...what a good day. I hope that a slice of the joy that I've come to understand today will pass onto you. Here are some pictures to smile at in case it doesn't :)

All i have...

2008-10-22T16:28:00.001-07:00

SAU's chapel speaker today was some guy with an impressive track record of teaching and presiding over seminaries and universities. Most of what he said seemed OK but that at best. And then he quoted a woman, dying when she said, "I'm the best I've been in my whole life." He asked why and she replied that, "Jesus can't be all I need unless He's all I have."

That is truth.

I'm always telling myself that complete submission to Him is 'where it's at'...But I rarely arrive at a place in life where I can find that all I want and all I need is Jesus' presence. I think hearing that quote this morning made me realize how much I want more of a DESIRE for the Lord and all that comes with him. I've been in places where all I have is Jesus...where he's the only thing I feel safe thinking about...the only thing that could possibly save me from the situation I'm in...the only presence that can take away my twirling hurts and emotions...I've been there and it's an amazing step to be on with Him. I want that more. I want it all the time. He has to be all I have. "All I have" seems confusing...but speaking abstractly to have Jesus be all I have doesn't always mean becoming a vagabonds and punching myself in the face. I can get to that place by proclaiming...recognizing coherently and out loud even...that nothing satisifies and cares for me more than he does. I can get there by actually living dead to my desires. All that matters is the Lord's presence, wrapped and nuzzled around me, guiding me to LOVE. That's all I want to have. Because once I get there, my relationships will change. I'll have even MORE to give out to the amazing people in my life: my girlfriend, my parents, my roommates, my unknown and unmet people that he wants to use me for...

Obviously I have SO many things. I'm not saying give them up. I'm just saying that we need to live in the fact that God is the only presence that could possibly fulfill us completely.

That's about it today...hopefully some of this made sense :)

~General King~ (inside joke...prophecy...whatever you wanna call it..ask me about it later :])

Thoughts on acting "different"

2008-10-20T20:25:00.001-07:00

So this weekend was amazing.
I got to see some family that I haven't seen in SUCH a long time.
I got to see a best friend of mine's new living environment in Georgia.
I got to hang out with people I love.

It's interesting how relationships differ. Someone recently asked me if they think that one should be the exact same person in every relationship setting and situation. I thought about it, almost said "yea, dude", and then realized that I don't really believe that anymore. This concept is something that I think somehow we were taught in youth group or something...the notion that we should be the same all over the place...

At the core of this, of course, it's true that the goal of our lives should be moving towards Christ's will and each individual's character should stay true and untainted by one another. However, I've seen people using this idea against others and creating guilt in someone else because he or she acts a little different around different settings of friend groups. That's just wrong...I think, for what it's worth, that it's natural and healthy to act differently [of course to what extent is a sensitive and crucial factor in this...let's be careful with that because obviously we shouldn't become different personalitys 'round different friends...that's just crazy talk].

I came to this while thinking about the variety of friends that I have. My BFF Ryan (don't tell ANYONE I used that term, even if it was jokingly) and I have a different relationship with each other than we do with others. Our conversations are not always filled with deep thought. Our conversations tend to focus on joy and experiences that we're having/have had. We relate to each other in this way. Not that we stray from other talk, it just so happens that we're pretty softspoken around each other and focus on experiencing together rather than talking about it.

My girlfriend and I are able to have a much different kind of relationship. We're not going to sit in the front seat of a car and be silent for a whole trip just because we're experiencing it together. No, we act differently around each other than we would around others. Not DRASTICALLY different, but I would say noteably.

We feed off of each other's personality traits, and they feed off of ours. I just don't see it as irrational to say that it's okay to be a little different around different people. All of this said and I still believe that, should I or Ryan want to talk about something important or deeper than normal, that opportunity is completely there, open, and not discounted. Should my babe (:]) and I want to sit in silence and just experience the changing colors of the trees while in the car, that is completely normal and not discouraged.

Obviously there are plenty of exceptions which I'm sure you'll bring up if they must be addressed :) But that's what I think about that...

In other news, skool iz harde and I'm excited to get into and finish grad. school so I can just work and do what I want! Hahaa...haa...ha.....h....anyways...love you guys, talk to ya soon

REST...

2008-10-12T12:53:00.001-07:00

So I was thinking today about rest. It's been a huge topic in discussions about faith especially between my parents and I...and a topic of thought today as I was sitting in a pew. My mom optimistically comments very often that, "we're just trying to learn how to rest in him". This simplicity is essential in developing intimacy with the Lord, I think. It's similar to saying "I just need to love...and if I truly do this, then everything else will follow". Maybe it's even the same idea... But how true is this concept? So true...

The word -rest- can be defined in several ways:

refreshing quiet [...]
relief or freedom [...]
cessation or absence of motion [...]

and more...
But what I take away from this, applicable to my faith, is that there is a release of responsibility in rest. A stop to what WE are doing. A tranquility that falls in this...A submission. Submission seems to be the essence of a healthy, loving, and genuine relationship.

Then there truly is freedom in learning to rest in Him. It's an amazing concept. The root of this whole blog started when a pastor today said, "let's pray"...and as I closed my eyes...I sighed a long sigh of relief.
"Finally," I thought, "I can't wait to just release my thoughts into his presence. I can't wait to just let my mind wander in his greatness instead of the trashy stress and confusion of living here on earth."
I realized that, looking back on the past, I sigh A LOT right before I start to pray...and this is because it's SO relieving to be in His presence and to REST in Him. This all stems out of my desire to be in a great relationship with my savior and creator. I want to be closer to God. I feel the NEED and PULL for this to happen. I'm sure you feel or have felt this before, too. EVERY SINGLE DAY I get caught up in a confusion of a faith that is theologically perfect, knowledge-infused, and legalistic. But I think its much more simple than that...To find that relief in his presence I need only to seek that presence as often as possible. To sigh in his presence. To cry in his presence...to submit and give my life truly to him because of that...

So yea...moral: take a chill pill and make some time for God if you want to get closer to Him. He's not limited to time we make for him, but it sure is a good way for us to contribute in the relationship, eh?

Peek-tures

2008-10-12T12:20:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures...just some random stuff of my life nowadays...:)

this is one from my summer backpacking/roadtrip with Ryan...far away from anything or anyone else...

Me and Crissie...being weird and growling...or something...

Crissie and I before last school year ended... :) ...

Me, Lainey, and Audrey! When I had an ENORMOUS beard...!

There are tons more pictures...but I'll start ya'll off with a few. Love you all,

-s.francis.k-

Re-Do...

2008-10-07T13:04:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone...I'm awful at keeping up with writing this blog.
If you want to know about what I've gone through this summer, give me a call :) I'd be glad to let you know the different experiences and what I've learned through all of them.

Due to some recent events, I feel compelled to "start over" and begin writing about my life. I don't know if any of you still check this, but it's time that I jot down my thoughts once again. It helps me...a lot...

I'll start with with a list and then expound on each in due time. I love you all and hope you stick with me through the craziness of life, love, and excitement...

1) I'm having an incredibly hard time with my parents being gone in that "other country"...and originally I felt like no one cares to inquire about it to me. I talked to my, I guess you could call him my roommate and mentor--Damon-- and he assured me that this is not the reality. I hide my outward emotions a lot. Unless I'm asked, I rarely reveal the deeper of the hurts that I have. I consider myself very open; however, when no one approaches me about how I'm REALLY doing with my parents gone, I've felt abandoned by my friends...I suppose I don't really even want to talk necessarily about it. I just have a lot of feeling left to do with mom and dad away, and I want someone to recognize that.

2) I have an amazing, beautiful, precious girlfriend. Crissie and I started hanging out about 8 months ago...but during that time was when my parents left. I took out a lot of my pain on her and treated her opposite the way that she should have been treated. Realizing this over the summer, I tried to win her when I returned from the west coast. She possesses so much of what I desire in a woman and I had to have her. Somehow, she decided it was okay to try me out :) Stuff is amazing with Crissie and I. I love her, and that's not something I can say about any other woman (of course my mother and friends...but that's different, right? :-]). She takes care of me. Encourages and affirms me more than my big head can handle sometimes :). She's just great. Get to know her, eh?

3) I graduat college this May. What the h... Who knows what the future holds. I'm excited though. I've grown up in incredibly large and sudden ways both this summer and over this past couple years. I'm not scared, for some reason, to think about future and get started on this blessing of life.

Life is a constant struggle. But one worth going through...as long as along the way I'm absconding mediocrity...strafing away from an average existence or a "proper, perfect" life...

until next time [coming soon...]
-s.francis.k-

So That Was Seattle?!?

2008-08-03T18:48:00.001-07:00

The Next Few Days...

2008-07-30T13:16:00.000-07:00

Day #4
Wednesday, May 21st, 2008
11:58a.m.

"Last night was the craziest, and probably most intense nights of my entire life...in all seriousness. Brock never called us back, so we were left with no options for a home...completely and legitimately homeless. We eventually and sluggishly found our "spot" after trespassing onto Railroad property. We hopped a fence and found ourselves in a small bike path park, in it's wooded area (I use wooded loosely), just before closing time around 11pm. We settled in behind and underneath a somewhat dense bush (so we thought) in order to hide Ryan's bright orange sleeping bag. Knowing that we could get in big trouble for sleeping here we tried to be as quiet and sly as possible. My freaking heart beat fast and hard the ENTIRE night it seemed. Not 15 feet away, through the fence, trains started rolling in...from about 11:45pm to 2:00am. If they were looking, they had to have seen us...even though we were well-concealed from the bike/jogging path! At one point, Ryan motioned me "shhhh!" as a RR worker walked RIGHT by us with a flashlight, probably on his way to switch tracks for the arriving train. I have never heard more aweful, loud noises before what I heard last night. I was covered so I didn't see what the noises were, but wow were they loud! Another aspect of the night were the rats and raccoons. THey scurried everywhere around us all through the night, making it SO uncomfortable to try and sleep...They came within 1 foot of us sometimes.

I miss my parents...a lot. I just said to Ryan, "Dude, my parents move to China in 4 days." That's so hard to accept. I can hardly take thinking about how much I'll miss them.

7ish pm...
We've been walking since about 6:30am and awake since 3am. It seems like we'll never find ourselves a place to stay. THere is one place that seems promising, but who knows...I'm trying to Trust the Lord to provide, but wondering so often how the "heck" I got out here and what my purpose for this trip really was [is]. I ust hope God will drop some peace and comfort into our laps. Please, God...please. The highest calorie food that we've had so far is this Hershey's chocolate bar that we just finished together a couple of minutes ago. What an adventure...

11:23pm
Today was incredibly exhausting...I am too tired to write more. But I'll fill the next few pages with today's until tomorwejkj......"

Just an update...Everyone remember that this is not my CURRENT journal, but what I kept while I was in Seattle and Cali. There are just some cool things that I went through and wanted to share with ya'll...

By the way, I later found out that Ryan was "protecting" me by not telling me how many rats really approached him on his side during the night...About 7 or 8....oh wow....I thanked him...I guess:)

Finally there....

2008-07-23T14:48:00.000-07:00

Day#3
Tuesday, May 20th 2008
9:30 a.m.

"I didn't sleep as well on the train this past night...this trip, as far as the functionality of it all by AmTrak, has been and is a disaster. I think we've lost a total of 4 or 5 engines so far, meaning that our average speed has had to be something like 45mph. Right now the train tenants are literally running down the aisles trying to sort things out; I think they, either intentionally or unintentionally, left 2 of the tenants back @ the last stop.

[...]
Last night as I slept (or tried), everytime we made a stop, more people left and boarded...Secretly and silently each time I woke up wishing and praying that no one would be assigned next to me, because my seatmate got off around 9:00 last night and I had both seats to myself...
[...]

A conviction came to me yesterday when not being able to handle a woman's physical condition as I watched her struggle to just walk. The way that she walked and looked absolutely for some reason shook me and unsettled my heart. I felt the Lord tell me this: NEVER TAKE JOY IN SOME ELSE'S MISFORTUNE...NEVER.

9:30p.m
Both Ryan and I are wondering why the ___ we decided to be this crazy. We're both still really excited, but wow are we scared. We tryed Ryan's alcohol stove at a park near the bay, but it was way too windy so we trekked a bit inland (OH YEA!!! We're in Seattle!!!) We walked past a loud group of "people" within our first 2 miles from the train station and I have to say that reality hit me and I said to Ryan, "We're in a whole new and different type of city now, bro!"...

It's 9:34 now and we freaking don't have a place to stay in Seattle. We're sitting in a city park about the width of a building, and since there is light we decided to journal...on a different note, we're waiting around because when we called Brock the first time he said, "it's cool! We'll have a few drinks and chill!" But now, against all that I had hoped for, he is "not picking up". Hopefully he'll call back...We really really hope so. If not...well...hopefully the cops won't pick us two homeless dudes up and jail us [not that that would really even be a horrible option right now because it's starting to sprinkle]...
If I thought for one second that this trip would be relaxing and stress-free, I take it back. The adventure has begun, we're scared ___less in a huge city, we're pumped for what lies ahead, and we're hopefully for many, many different things. Oh yeah, and we had our first hot meal since Sunday morning--oatmeal--and wow was is ever so good. Please Lord, protect us. Keep us humble but safe. Reveal yourself to me. Send your glory & favor. Help..."

En el Tren...

2008-07-20T16:43:00.000-07:00

Day #2
Monday, May 19th 2008
7:30a.m....

"Tuna has probably never tasted as good a it did last night. Our dinner was a can of tuna each and to each a protein bar. Our experience already to me, seems so raw and exciting. I simply cannot imagine what it will be like once we're OFF the train and living it up in Seattle, WA.
[In recent news, the old lady who seemed insensitive @ the beginning of our ride seems to actually have one of those symptoms of Parkinson's disease (or something else) where her head is constantly shaking, telling everybody "NO" by shaking side-to-side...so yea...oops...I guess it wasn't directed as bitterly towards us as I originally thought]

8:00 a.m.
Today is kind of my first day of this journey for intimacy--encompassing intimacy with the Lord and peace/rest with myself--I woke up and read Psalm 18 like my mom previously told me to read, then I continued with Chapter 3 of Luke. I pray that God would just please reveal himself to me in a crazy way this summer. With the noise of people groggily awaking and having "goodmorning" conversations with their significant other on the phone, it's hard to obtain solitude here on el tren. Nevertheless, I expect the Lord to show up in new ways when I do find that silence somewhere. One thing interesting from Luke 3 "Jesus was thirty years old when he began his ministry"..this phrase comes right after he is baptised in the Holy Spirit. This confirmed in my spirit the song phrase, "Fill us up, and send us out" for me. We need to be filled, to have power if we want effective ministry.

9:30 a.m.
I'm now sitting out in a lounge area on the train. My seat is facing the window. Secretly I wish that it would storm so that I can be out here to look up into it. We just arrived in Rugby, North Dakota...not very impressive; however, @ the same time so unique and awesome. It's just one of the town along our way that looks like it has about 10 buildings and thousands of visible miles and rolling hills...there is a certain peace that is, I think, inherently released when we experience nature; more specifically, even, when we are @ least mostly void of schedule, exceeding amounts of possessions, and critical responsibility.

There is a couple, both about 65-72 years old in the corner...they are snuggling beneath a blanket. And thus my spirit is drawn again to the elderly. I'll never know why they touch me at such a deep level I don't think...
So many conversations surrounding me right now...So many unique, individual lives. How did our creator ever design & comprehend such complexity and diversity?"

The answer to that last question, as God later revealed to me: He has an incredible, a beautiful, a magnificent imagination. And he is love. That's how he thought up such a thing as this...

In The Beginning

2008-07-17T19:29:00.000-07:00

Day #1
Sunday, May 18th 2008

"We only got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep. What a crazy few weeks this has been...

Last night I broke down and just cried for 20 minutes. It's real now. I'm on a train to Seattle and Mom & Dad are moving to China in 1 week. Growing up could not have come more suddenly and simultaneously. Yet at the same time, I could not and probably have never been as excited as I am right now.

THE TRAIN...

My perspective changed on older people today. Indefinitely we should respect our elders; however, to love everyone recklessly and equally seems more accurate to some ideal of a state of "correctness"... All this venting sparked from a grumpy older woman that, when Ryan and I didn't see her behind us is the aisle said in an insistent or [obvious] tone "Yeeeeah...Hummmph!" when we finally noticed her and moved out of her way. I suppose what I actually realized is that NOT ALL OLD PEOPLE are sweet, innocent, and helpless...

I sit next to a 1-year-out-of-college theatre major named Tyler. He's really cool and went to Nebraska Wesleyan College. Maybe the Lord will bring opportunity in this short-lived relationship.

Ryan and I met a girl named 'Lily'. I first noticed her in line for our train back in Chicago because she was carrying what looked like a wooden spear. It turns out that Lily is carrying a well crafted longbow. She goes to some wilderness school in Albany, NY and is on her way out to the Olympic Mountains to do a "survival period". She's only taking a knife, her longbow, and several other items in her backpack. Lily taught Ryan & I how to make, essentially, rope out of the inner bark of a plant called dogbane (?!):
(1) Buffing period- to remove external bark. Methods: rolling in palm; segment twisting
(2) Seperate the buffed, slightly adhered strands into two sections.
(3) Make an -X- out of those strands...Twist to the right; lay over bottom strand; REPEAT

*I'm already craving a steak dinner, and it's the first day still. The powerbar and half-can of tuna will be well worth the wait..."

A New Start...

2008-07-17T18:55:00.000-07:00

So I'm back...and with many crazy and amazing stories to tell.
All in all, I spent 54 days across the range of my time spent in Washington and California.
I've truly grown in incredibly amounts through this trip, but I'll tell you right now that it was not without a cost. As I read The Shack (I recommend this book to anyone and EVERYONE) this summer, I was able to come to somewhat of an understanding that more than not, God wants to take us through an experience and work with us to bring about change. Applying personally to me, the Lord met me in different situations that I felt like I almost was supposed to brought into in order to come to an understanding of what God wanted me to learn. This may all seem abstract, but I assure you that this summer has brought about important decisions, understandings, and changes in my life.

I want to share with any of you that may be still keeping with me some of my journal from this adventure of mine. Both Ryan and I kept a journal every day of this trip with maybe 2 or 3 exceptions, and for the next couple of weeks or so I will be posting different entries from my journal so that any joy or wisdom or comedy that I've experienced can in some way be passed on to you...

There are a great deal of personal things that were written in my journal that I will NOT include on here, but I think there is still enough material that can be shared that will be enjoyable.

So please, share what you think about some of the things, hopefully some of it will be a benefit. After most of my thoughts have been processed and put out there, I'll start actually blogging again...

So here goes...day number one coming up...

An Update...

2008-04-11T09:09:00.001-07:00

So I don't have an enormous beard anymore. It's gone. Buzzed it. Cut it off...you get the point!

A whole lot of new things are happening. Thanks to the Lord, I sold my car to a friend without any effort at all. I was so worried that it was going to be incredibly difficult to start this "simplistic living" ideal...and then the first person that I asked [even a little bit facetiously I might add] was interested and we signed the title over last week! Thank the Lord....He is so good.

God is working in new ways in my life, too. He's showing up more real than ever in prayer...in my solitude...in my thoughts. He's even making the weather a little bit warmer outside to lighten the mood :)

My parents still aren't gone and you would think that's driving me crazy but....wait....no, it is driving me crazy...haha....i love you mom and dad, but just let me start missing you already will ya?

Plans for Seattle are still in the making. Even though nothing at all is really ironed out yet, I know that Ryan and I are going to have an incredible summer!

Lot's more to come...just as soon as I'm done being attacked and having my time taken away from me by the evil one (Ssssatan! as we used to say in youth group)....

love,

s.francis.k

Ridiculous...that's what it is...

2008-04-06T22:38:00.001-07:00

something I wrote for my cross cultural orientation class recently...we were supposed to respond with a couple descriptive paragraphs about an article involving Chicago and Religion (this is one of 5 online post assignments about various topics)...annnnd I may or may not have got a little carried away:) that's passion I guess, right? :)

I wrote this after reading an article about a church called the House of Hope in Chicago that seats 10,000 and costed over 53 million dollars to construct...

"Firstly, it's appropriate to start off with a summary of the article's content. The fifty million dollar "House of Hope", home to Chicago's Salem Baptist Church, can seat 10,000 people! Quoted stating, "In order for the world to see how big God is, the world is going to have see God's people doing God-sized things.", Salem's senior pastor James Meeks desires for this "House of Hope" to genuinely be a place in which people can find hope and protection from life's complexity. The Church's 203,000 square-foot, three-floor facility contains three regulation sized basketball courts, a drive-thru ticket box window, locker rooms, two 19'x11' projector screens and a 1.4 million dollar sound system. According to Meeks, "It's about rebuilding life, and rebuilding communities."

Practically bursting at my seems as I read this article, I cannot disagree more with a church of this magnitude. How can there be a justified way to spend almost one and one half million dollars on a sound system? How can fifty million dollars be spent on developing and constructing a building in Jesus' name? I believe that this church is an example of the lie that some modern culture has began to believe that somehow the building and draw of a church is as important as its purpose. What happened to the simplicity bled by Jesus that called for us to pray to heal others in Jesus' name, to go out to the people and share the Gospel, and to depend on the power of God Almighty to bring those opportunities into our lives? I'm sorry, but for people to see how big our Lord is, they need not be presented with unnecessary attraction to a facility. Hasn't God the Father showed up as only a whisper? I want to suggest that the God-sized things needed to show the nation God's majesty that Meeks presents are not consisted of buildings and a great worship band; rather, God wishes to show His glory to the world through us, his people that he's imparted the Holy Spirit onto for guidance and conviction.
In saying all of this, I must concede in some way by saying that the conviction of this church to draw a massive community together and crown Christ as Lord over all of them is amazing. The way that they will be used in the future in bringing people together for a united purpose is so incredibly honorable. My opinion remains that, the amount of money put into this church makes me cringe because how else could even thirty or forty million dollars of that been used to save lives? Meeks says that its all about rebuilding life and rebuilding community. I say that this church could have rebuilt life in other suffering nations, in OUR nation by not spending its money on so many unnecessary aspects of a ridiculously-sized BUILDING and giving it away. I say that its all about sensitivity to the Holy Spirit and surrender of our lives to God's purpose.
I have asked many questions within my article review, but I will pose one more: Is not the church US as a community together going forth on God's prompting, rather than a building to bring others into our way of life?"

Update 563

2008-04-06T22:33:00.001-07:00

So I've been SOOOOO incredibly busy lately...
Life is going so incredibly well I can't even put a measure on it. If I had to put it as a phrase, though, it would probably be something like "stressedtothemaxbuttheLordholdsmeadoringmeandblessestheheckoutame"
:)
Coming soon...something I learned in Church the other week
Normally when I go to "church" I learn something completely unrelated to what the pastor is talking about...so you just wait and see!

All I know...

2008-03-26T13:31:00.000-07:00

Your faithfullness endures always Where mountains fall and reason fails And You calm the raging seas And You calm the storms in me, again

All I know is I find rest in You

All I know is I find rest in You

-Rest In You-

Hillsong United

A Love[ing] Realization...

2008-03-26T13:02:00.000-07:00

Spring Break was pretty dang good.

I actually spent (i feel this way at least...sometimes my mom throws in during a conversation something like "I feel like we've barely seen you since you've been home"...And then she kind of laughs a little tiny bit so as not to be sharp about it but to bring to attention that our time is a little limited so WHY AM I NOT SEEING THEM THAT MUCH. haha. She's normally right, but not always :) This time she didn't have to say that though) a considerable amount of break with my mom and dad. On Sunday our entire family went to a HUGE indoor waterpark and I had a blast with all of my nieces.

...there's just something about my niece Lainey grabbing onto my neck for her dear little life when the huge waves from the wavepool came crawling towards us...made all of the exhaustion from phrases like "Uncle Seth! come to the slide with me! Uncle Seth! Uncle Seth? Wave pool? Uncle Seth?!" completely worth it and fine...My nieces, I've said this before, are such a huge blessing to me!

I spent the rest of break either talking with my parents or hanging out with friends from Ohio. It's always really meaningful to me to be able to see all of my friends among the different friend groups that I have; and I think that is why I let myself get stressed, because its worth it to be able to see each one. (Obviously there were definitely some that I missed out on, which is sad...but I made my rounds)

On Monday morning before I left to drive back to school with Austin, I had a very strong and significant realization about my parents and why I completely excited and supportive of them, but at the same time, really struggling with the anticipation and reality of them being gone for such a long time...

They were praying for me for all sorts of things before Austin and I took off. I was sitting in that chair, listening--agreeing--with the prayers that were lifted up and analyzing like I tend to do fairly often...and I realized why I possess such strong emotion about them.

I realized this: my parents love me more than anyone other [person...human] loves me on this earth. I hear it in their prayers over me whenever we pray. I see it looking back on their disciplining me and sharing wisdom with me over the years. Such an amazing thing was it to realize that in that moment...to realize at least a glance of how they love me. Their care for me...and actually now that I think about it, for those in the culture they're about to immerse themselves in and most people around me.... seeps out from them. I could go into more detail, but I think I'll keep that to myself. I just really wanted to share that with whoever is reading this right now. That my PARENTS love for me is overwhelming when I actually can catch a glimpse of its truth and reality.

In the bible there are many verses that attempt to describe God's (the father) personality a little bit. IN doing this, there are several verses that end with "[...] and so how much more will the Lord God reward you" or "[...] how much more, then, does your heavenly Father love you"

This became at least partially evident to me this Spring Break. My parents' love for me is incredible and seemingly unconditional even. How much more does God, my creator, savior...desire me and love and care and seek after me? SO much more...we should all keep that in mind.

The person that you feel loved by the most in this world does not possess even a tiny fraction of the amount of care and love that our God has for us... Believe it. Because this is true.

and if that's not encouraging to know then I don't know what is.

Love ya'll...

sfk

2008-03-22T12:29:00.000-07:00

I just thought I would try this out....except...from now on I'm only going to post a video blog if I have something to actually say. How about that, eh?

Love ya'll

sfk

Give Money To The Least of These...Stop Buying Unnecessary _

2008-03-21T20:58:00.000-07:00

"Society, you're a crazy breed[...]"

-Vedder-

I've been thinking a lot lately about some new things...lots of things

-why, if as one of my dear friends pointed out to me that a soundboard that a church in our local area uses costs between 150,000 and 300,000 US Dollars...um...why are churches spending money on these things? How in the world is THAT being the church...don't even get me started on this one...

-how can this traditional religion that I've been used to for all of my life up to the past year be living for a God that sent a part of himself to die for me? Looking back on journal entries, even some of the recent past, time and time again I see entries that I vaguely remember but have taken no action on the inside provided to me then by the Lord. Yet I see some of my peers taking action. Praying as they feel the Holy Spirit leads them. Praying for healing..for peace...for deliverance...

I think I'll join them. Yes. Yes I will. This is clearly a strong desire that has been put on my heart recently and I'm going to follow it.

--just to name a few--

My parents are leaving soon. They have blessed me so much in an incredible array of ways. But again, I pray that they'll actually get to leave by when they want to. I can't imagine what it's going to be like for them over there for this next portion of their life. I can't imagine what it's going to be like for me over here for this next portion of my life. The Lord is taking care of everything, this I know. Everything...

much is still fresh on my mind. more to come soon ya'll. God Bless

sfk

Beard Progress

2008-03-20T13:07:00.001-07:00

So this is where I'm at with the beard right now...

(1) crazy then (2) normal ...

Akourdantz...

2008-03-20T13:02:00.000-07:00

Romans 8:1-8 [NIV]

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God."

Romans 8:1-8 [NIV]

This is just some stuff that I was reading the other day that truly spoke to me. I guess I'd just like to share some of the stuff that resonated inside of me after meditating a little bit on these verses...

Firstly, it seems that God has been constantly throwing me insight about forgiveness and His grace. It is something that I will never understand. However, as much as I try to claim forgiveness and freedom, a lot of the times there is a deeper part of me that just doesn't agree with the reality of it...and so I pray. I pray that the Lord will somehow teach me and reveal to me the truth, being that He seriously, genuinely, and unconditionally loves me and forgives me each time I pursue love with Him by asking forgiveness and living apart from sin.

The first verse of this section flat out states: "There is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus [...]" (emphasis added). This is a theme that not only God reveals to me but has revealed to the authors of much of the New Testament, so we need to accept its truth. I need to learn from this that, WOW!, I am "in" Christ Jesus...and therefore all of this guilt and agony I sometimes go through must be [IS] a lie from the enemy.

accordance n.

1. Agreement; conformity

2. The act of granting.

Why do I, when making a decision/doing an action, do what I hate and not what I love? This is the train of thought that everyone must have had at some point in his or her life, right? I see all of the things that I do that I hate directly as "what nature desires". I experience this so much, to the extent that much of the time I completely do not realize then when I am living "according" to that sinful, human nature, it means that I am agreeing, GRANTING sin the passwords to control over me!

It says that the mind of the man with sinful nature controlling is DEATH; whereas, the mind of the man led by the Spirit isn't just LIFE, it's LIFE AND PEACE. I don't know about you, but I can't think of what I wouldn't give to obtain control over the chaos and confusion within my mind and experience and express life through my actions and have peace over my mind. So here is an alternative given, a choice that we should be making. The alternative as presented: live in "accordance" with the Holy Spirit.

Does that mean that I have to agree that the Holy Spirit is real? Yep

Does that mean that I have to conform to examples that the Lord has shown us? Yep

Does that mean that I have to grant the Holy Spirit access to my thoughts and be open to the fact that He may be more real than I ever thought...that His presence may use me above and beyond expectations I've ever had? Heck yep! (ha...that sounds awkward, doesn't it?)

Later in chapter 8 of Romans... "if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you." (v. 11)

So yea...my thoughts on that :)

Give up and away to Him...

2008-03-05T19:47:00.000-08:00

When?
...will I just give up this stubbornness,

idiocracy, these thoughts down, angry, not content with anything, unjoy

these shields that just don't hold up...

and leave control of my life to some bigger hands than mine
i mean my hands are callused and pretty strong...but they just screw everything up...

so yea...

and here are a couple lovely pictures to complete my thoughts:

Great Lyrics....

2008-03-05T19:28:00.000-08:00

there could be nothing after this
-=underoath=-

In the end we tend to think of how it began
I could never explain the picture it painted, and how it made me feel
Now the ceiling is in motion
The light centered and overlooked
You want to see me disappear? Well, so do I

Such a quiet evaporation

We're nothing but hollow vessels in search of what makes us alive
I never said this was my revolution when you looked me in the eye
Oh, how I've walked this white line so many times before
What a feeble attempt just to feel alive

This is for you and your hopeless case
You never would leave me in your wish to fail every time
Every time I try

So talk about it
At least it makes you feel something inside

Who have I become
Oh God, everything all around me is crumbling at my feet

I stare so delicate and ashamed
At the shelf I've shed myself from

In the eyes of my ghost
And I will never look back again

Sickness...

2008-03-03T20:00:00.000-08:00

For some reason...I really enjoy putting "ness" on the ends of words that I use. Like dude-ness...anyways

Wow...so much has been happening in the past couple of months. and I just want to say I'm sincerely sorry for not posting stuff frequently like I've hoped to...And you may say [if anyone reads this anymore even] "Well why is he sorry? It's not a big deal" I suppose I'm apologizing equally to myself as I am to anyone who chooses to read my thoughts... It's been such a great facet of life to be able to just write stuff and post it.... And I will try again to stay consistent...

I've been gone for awhile now...again
I've not yet been able to figure out exactly what is driving my actions or thoughts lately...all I know is that I'm coming back

I think I shall save the deeper bits for tomorrow

My family get's to go to Kalahari resort on the Sunday after my Spring Break starts. The Kalahari resort is a MASSIVE indoor waterpark...and somehow in God's grace my entire family is going to be there for a couple of days and one night. Justin & Beth with Sarah, Lauryn, Lainey, and Audrey; Chris & Laura with Maddie; my mom and dad...and finally me... I can't even express how excited I am to just be able to spend my last few days with my parents for awhile with my bros, too! It will be incredible to hang out with all of my nieces and wear them out in the different pools and water toys...and then chill in the hot tubs at night and talk about life.

Chances are things won't necessarily work out PERFECT with all of us there. But I pray that it will and that it will be a blessing to my parents to spend some quality time with all of us before they take off...On that note...i've been thinking a lot lately [still] about my parents leaving soon. I've decided that it would be better sooner than later, because I feel like it gets harder each and every time we get closer to the date that they leave. So, and not for my benefit, I pray that the Lord takes them into His arms and somehow provides the finances for them to be able to go over to Chi-country somehow WITHOUT anymore stress... I know He will take care of them. I know it.

My band, Come On Come Here, has some really amazing new tracks up that we've received back from our recording time in Atlanta. The stuff came out pretty dang good quality so that's amazing. This past Friday night was perhaps our best show ever...Here are a couple pretty cool pictures from that show with Bringing Down Broadway and Left Among The Ashes...

(still?)ness

2008-02-26T19:58:00.001-08:00

do you still have that smile to which the sun can't compare?
because I've thought a lot lately about how you lit up my world, my life
you used to look at me, eye's glowing, through your purple hair
but that's gone, I missed out, and now you're going to be someone else's wife

do you still find joy in just living your own way?
because I've thought a lot lately about how you always could
or has the past pierced you so many times that you sometimes can't stand another day
I didn't know how to help, and didn't think anyone else would...

do I still have a shred of myself, a piece of innocence left?
because I've thought a lot lately about the times I've turned to anything else but You
I used to smile at ease. No worries, and laughing,behind each breath...
but I've tried every way, done everything to run away from that, even knowing that's not what I should do...

do Y(hwh)ou still look at me like that?
why do You still look at me like that?
how can You still look at me like that
because I'm too deep
because I'm too far
because I'm too unvaluable
aren't i?
No? I'm not?
No! I'm not!
I see it now...
that look in Your eyes,
that blood on Your face
that ghost inside me, screaming and touching my every sense
beckons over [and again over], "Come..."
You, my Saviour, throw out the failures!They're gone. Coverd [by that blood on your face]
the love i've lost...i missed my opportunity a long time ago...The Lord has not left me
the friends I've hurt with...we've been through everything together and still haven't healed...The Lord holds us strong
the cigarettes, the painful images, the insecurities...how did I ever get to that point? The Lord delivers and will reign over my life.
It's time for change

[wind]ing road

2008-02-18T17:33:00.000-08:00

The wind was crazy yesterday. Absolutely crazy. I mean I was working 10pm-6am and walking around and it almost put my on my face a couple of times.

...and I could have sworn that one time, in a gust of violent wind, that God was incredibly angry at me
what have i done lately to deserve any grace?
what attempts have i made recently to anchor even one bolt to help me climb out of this cavern?
how many times have i recently [blatantly] ignored His presence. drawing me. calling to me. crying for me.?
why haven't i just let Him take me over?
what am i so afraid of?

Here's the answer key to those questions:
you've done nothing to deserve any grace...
you've not made any bolts to progress or signify a desire to leave this cavern...
too many times to count...
because you're afraid...
you're afraid of insufficiency
of incompletion
of inability

I know that this note is a bit melancholy...it is the abstractness of the core of some of the negative ideas in my head.

To be completely honest, I'm doing really, REALLY well. While I am being honest though I must say that I ran far away from my walk with the Lord for awhile. and that is changing.

Tomorrow I'll post some things that are actually happening in my life...

I do not confess that these chains are stronger than I can handle, for I am empowered by the greatest force that has or will ever exist. But it is truthfully taking me a bit longer than expected to break free.

I love ya'll...and sorry I've been away for so long. Take care, love people more than you ever thought you possibly could, and I will talk to you soon.

-sfk

Can't Stop Till I Get Enough

2008-02-17T22:47:00.000-08:00

So a whole lot has happened over the past couple of weeks. I won't be dragging that all over your eyes, but coming soon I will let you guys know what's up...No worries...I just have to be done with Monday because I'm working until 6am and it's gonna be a lonnnnng day...

Don't worry, I've not given up on this blog...never....

o love that lasts...

2008-02-02T17:45:00.001-08:00

something I wrote a long time ago that I just found...

o love that lasts,
you aren't the same love of my past
i'll rest in you
if you move in me
and forever I will never be
alone

~sfk~

I'm Sorry...

2008-02-01T11:19:00.000-08:00

I'm so genuinely sorry. I hope you know that. I wish things were not as they are.

to un known

2008-01-27T09:47:00.000-08:00

moving hands and digits
speak to you as words
i smile, adoring you
for you can't hear, or sing the chords
yet you touch my heart
in a deeper way
maybe it's because our Father,
through a pounding, breaking, shining heart,
is smiling, adoring
the way that you are
smiling, adoring
adoring even though you've been dealt a difficult card

and with a fluttering of hands
and eyes left open
your spirit, it stands...
spilling, "You took the fall,
and thought of me before all."
at this moment, in this minute
i understand another part of His heart
and together wonder how He,
smiling, adoring,
still chases me
when there exist those like you

On Heath and Grenades

2008-01-26T22:28:00.001-08:00

Campus safety got grenade-launcher training this month...

this is, of course, me.

oh wait...no...none of that is true. Instead my 10pm-2am shift is almost over and I'm in the office. On the internet. Making $. Thinking that I want to write a deeper blog. But feeling bad about getting paid for doing so.

I'll leave you with this opinion of mine:

Heath Ledger...he died...he did a ton of drugs...he was a decent actor...why the hell is our country more concerned and distraught about his death than the innumerable amount of others that have suffered and died that have never even been given a second thought?

what about this: http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/01/26/airstrip.car.crash/index.html

or this: http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/africa/01/24/southafrica.violence.ap/index.html?iref=newssearch

what about the people next to us that have lost friends and family? In no way would I dishonor Mr. Ledger's life by speaking against him. But how in the world did we as a nation, humanity...mix up our priorities so much?

i'm done. :)

love ya'll (haven't said that in awhile)

-sfk-

p.s. Mom, I'm sorry for cussing...just being me

and i love you

ok bye

Return To Myself

2008-01-25T12:35:00.000-08:00

To "pops":

What an interesting point you made in your comment, dad...

pops said...
Wow, writing music, lyrics, playing acoustic, practicing, working hard, loving life, caring for others, this sounds like my son is coming back!

To say that I'm coming back is to say that I have left for some amount of time. Oh, the legitimacy of that statement! I've not left a state of "normalcy", because as far as lifestyle and stateofbeing is concerned, I don't really think that there exists a normal. But, rather, there have been parts of me that have been lost in this past era of indescribable-ness. (Look that word up in Webster's dictionary, trust me)

Anyways, yes Dad, your son also feels like he [i] is [am] coming back. And I [he] feel [feels] great...

I decided to just do something that I've been thinking about for a long time and yet not taking action on. I think that God inspires me a lot by putting thoughts into my head about someone. I think that God probably does that to a LOT of us, but sometimes we ignore it and push it off as a random thought. In my case, I often have been feeling overwhelmed with emotion for some of these people in my thoughts and prayers. An example: one time, when I was a grill cook at Das Dutch Kitchen in Amish Country, OH (wow, what a long time ago), I was going out to the server station to refill my Sprite/Pepsi[mixed] and I saw this woman surrounded by what must have been her three kids. Her face set something off inside of me that I can barely describe. It was like I saw through everything and somehow KNEW that for a fact she was either having a horrible day, she is really depressed, or something has happened. This may not seem significant to you, but I was burdened, seriously burdened with this stranger's seeming, unconfirmed hurt.

Recently I have had several people on my mind that, when I think about the, my insides get stirred in a similar way. Now, this doesn't mean that I feel like each person I'm thinking about is hurting. Rather, I feel a need to think about them deeper and pray for them. SO...to make a super drawn out story short, I have posted a bunch of printed out pictures along my desk in my apartment to remind me of you all. To remind me to pray for you, and to remind me to think more sincerely and deeply of those that the Lord puts on my heart. So, as always, I think of all of you regularly. However, I'm trying to take action to remember to think more of and pray for those of you [them]

As for Danielle, everyone that keeps asking...

yes, Mom...we are taking it slow and I am genuinely SUPER happy and excited!
yes, Dad...i will be the leader, center ourselves on the Lord, and treat her well like a woman should be treated
yes, Justin...she is an amazing,gorgeous girl that I've been close friends with for a long time that I become lucky enough to have her say "yes" when I said, "so...will you be my...like...girlfriend" I am a nerd...she's a blessing, bro
yes, Paul and Amanda...I am really, genuinely happy right now. And thank you so much for your encouragement. Paul, you are so great man. It's been incredible getting to hang out and be your friend. and Amanda, it's great to know that there is someone who is passionate and caring for so many people and things as you are out there

I know that doesn't answer everything...but give it time, ey?

So...I'm coming back. In a way, breaking free of my[bound/trapped/limiting]self and returning to my[Godgivn/passionate/limitless]self

Hmm...returning to myself. That sounds like a great theme for a song doesn't it?

Danielle and I :)

Maybe I'll Come Up w/ Another Clever Title Some Other Day...

2008-01-22T13:37:00.000-08:00

Looking back on this last post...I realized how much it reminded me of an excited kid...

And I'm not sorry for or about that :) Just made me laugh at the presentation of some things in that last posts...

Now here's what it reminded me of: my youngest niece, Audrey was visiting along with the rest of the girls one day over my Christmas break. The day was normal and I think I was in the kitchen with them eating some chips or something and just watching them hang out and chow at the dinner table with my parents (Mimi and Papa as they call them). Anyways, the oldest of the girls (Sarah) suddenly says to me, "Uncle Seth, listen to Audrey when she says hotdog!"

Sarah: "Audrey, say 'HAWWTDAWWWWG"

Audrey then gets this HUGE, excited smile on her face and both bashfully and proudly declares...."HOGWOG!"

Definitely funny...The comparison, though an abstract one, is the bashfulness and excited nature in which she declared her newly learned word. Ha... Don't worry though Danielle, I learned how to say the name 'Danielle'...a LOOONG time ago I'm sure!

or at least i think so...ha

Anyways...On to a new topic...

Bunches 'o' random new things happening:
$$$ I am on Campus Safety now for Spring Arbor University and it is such a great job! The Lord has blessed me so much with that job, because it will bring in just enough money...and it will fit my schedule (even though night shifts will take some of my energy away on certain days)... I appreciate the job so much and it's a huge blessing

!!! Will Rowland is back on campus! I just love that kid so much. Can't stop lovin' him either.

~~~ My best friend Ryan from home (Dalton) is seriously considering going to Seattle with me this summer! I am really excited about that. I know a lot of my friends say that it sounds great to seek solitude...but truthfully Ryan is the only one that I invited because he has such a real and strong sense of value for silence and peace in the Lord. He is great and our friendship used to be really sketchy for me...but wow has he grown in to even someone that I really look up to in my relationship with God. It would be a blessing for him to come with me, so I hope that happens

^^^All of my possessions with the exception of a few different memorabilia things that are stored at my oldest brother Justin's house are at my apartment at school now! How crazy is that? Answer: pretty crazy!

*** I'm starting to play acoustic guitar again. I vow to practice a ton and get to a point where I can actually play a few songs decently in the near future. Deal?

I'm in the middle of writing two different songs right now...Hopefully I'll finish them soon [lyrically] and I'll put them, at least one of them, on here.

I hope all of you who read this, even secretly without commenting, are doing okay. I think about all of you a whole lot and just want you to know how much I really do care for each of you, it doesn't even matter what our relationship is seemingly like...

Have a great day and talk to me, ey?

GREAT daze

2008-01-21T08:27:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was an amazing day in more ways than one and today is going to be a great day, too. My friends C.J., Mikey V, and Nick Ev and I are going to play Lord of the Rings RISK (I never thought I would sound that nerdy)...and it's going to be GREAT! We "scheduled" six hours of our day out for this game and hope for it to be awesome!

After that some prayer with a friend, THENNNN hot tubbin later tonight at Barnes' house. How could this day get ANY better?

Well I'll tell you...if I saw this girl (okay, fine I'll just say it-- DANIELLE!! :) ) The day would actually be WAAAAAAAY greater!!! Don't worry, I'll write more on that later once I figure out what to write :)

Life is great right now, and that's a 100% honest, genuine statement from my heart right now. And it feels good.

Everyone have a great day, will ya?

sfk

what's new?

2008-01-18T10:48:00.000-08:00

So a lot of...well I guess I can just say "really great" stuff has been happening in my life in the past couple of months.

Some things I've learned:

*unless you actually sacrifice the time and aspects of your life that you always SAY you will but never actually do, you will keep getting bogged down with life and its overloading tendencies...

*being at the lowest point in your life, providing that somehow you can hold on to your saviour's reaching hand, is actually an amazing thing

*the Ohio State Buckeyes are incredible, even though they can't seem to pull off a national championship...

*I actually DO know what things are most important to me, and it boggles my mind that I don't concentrate more on these people and things rather than crap that, honestly, has no lasting significance
Those things that I value and realized I need to spend more time on: my brothers, my mom and dad, my friends, my mind, and NO DOUBT my intimacy with the Lord

*why NOT be crazy and live a little?

*smoking REAAAALLLY decreases your lungs' Oxygen capacity...

*and much, much more.

Over Christmas break, I had a very hard time saying goodbye to my parents. Though I'll see them probably a couple more times before they take off the the Chinaland, my dad always seems to get me. Once again we just stood up and hugged each other and cried for several minutes [it is such a rare and valued occasion to cry...I don't know if I've written about this before...but it is such a blessing to be able to cry once in awhile. And truthfully, I get really pissed off when I am going through something and have tons of thoughts just FLYING around in my head and I can't let any of it out in any way...anyways...maybe I'll write a song about it, ey?]...This time when we hugged (as opposed to last time before the Fall '07 semester started) I, for some reason started thinking about all of these memories that I've shared with my dad and it was overwhelming that, well...reality is now saying to me that "Seth, it really is a good time for you to break out of that cage, you know?"...

I couldn't stop thinking about all of the times that he's called me "bud" and that in him saying that three letter word I got to see, practically every single time, that he loves me so much. I remember, dad, all of the times that you've coached me with baseball and come to my games. I remember our "puberty" trip with the Dr. James Dobson (hahaha) tapes. and us catching no fish, but seeing the praying mantis in the parking lot and just spending time with you was so great. I still remember playing alligator with you in our many different living room's and drinking a Killian's with you and thinking it was GROSS!
my dad is the one in the front with the huge white beard, and I am right next to him with sunglasses and a redbeard!

You see, my parents, OHHHHH and my mom included believe me, have been the biggest blessing in my life. Thank you guys so much. I'm sorry for being so sentimental right now...but honestly I could go on and on and on. You mean so much to me and it's awesome to be able to now say "I'm proud of you guys and what you're doing" I couldn't be more pumped for you two to go over there and obey the Lord like you are. And I try to pray for you both to receive larger amounts of money, and confidence, and courage, and peace every time that I pray.

anyways...I'm in the library right now and this writing is making me tear up and, of course we can't have that. I mean come on, I am in a hardcore band and after all, I have a full, large red beard :) So we can't have that in public. (of course i'm just kidding)...but seriously :)

Life is great right now. Everything seems to be going well. And there's no way that I will confess anything negative right now because, well...Satan just does NOT deserve it.

I will start writing more on my blog now...no worries...so keep up because some chains are about to be broken!

New Year, New Outlook (lookingup)

2008-01-11T23:18:00.000-08:00

There is so much to look forward to in the next year
So much up in the air
So much that I'm dredding (hmm...not sure if that's spelled right but I don't care :I)
So much fun ahead of me
So much opportunity
So much potential
So much NEW YEAR that I can finally, prayerfully and hopefully, use wisely and diligently to honor my Saviour and rest in His peace and joy!

that's what I'm talkin' bout

i'll write more on this later....but let's be honest, it's 2:21 am and I'm ready for sleep

Thank you Lord for all of your blessings as they continually, though I intentionally blind myself from them sometimes, fill my life. Words cannot express enough of my thankfulness, but hopefully obedience and the building up of good character can.
cristus victor

:.sfk.:

Roller Coaster

2008-01-04T06:18:00.000-08:00

Isn't it crazy how much of a roller coaster ride each aspect of our life can be?

I'm hoping...praying...that somehow the Lord will show me another bit of grace so that where I'm at, will be the bottoming out of my ride.

I won't be returning to "normal". I'll be changing myself and learning from what I've done. That, I think, is what I am supposed to do when this all starts to dissipate. Thank you all for any encouragement that you've shown me.

haze

2008-01-03T14:24:00.000-08:00

i can't remember the last time in the past month when I felt more in a haze
maybe its the medicine I'm on
or maybe I need to get my act together

Oh god, Oh god
I just deceived
this LOvE for me
what keeps me safe
what keeps me clean

and are my prayers worth nothing?
(you're looking straight at me)
do they go to waste?
(and offer your hand)
are you still reaching for me?
(but my arms are busy)
((am i still in your grace?))

Oh man, Oh man
if i just believed
your LOvE for me
what keeps me strong
what holds my peace
there's this feeling i'm getting
and its tangling my nerves
that maybe, oh just maybe........

you'd take back this mangled heart for one more time and move me........

oh hear my cry though its nothing
(its gotta be worth something)
don't let it go to waste
(i beg you to hear)
please take me by the hand
(my hands are free)
and let me see your face

Thoughts On Repentance

2007-12-30T07:41:00.000-08:00

In church today, we talked about repentance a little bit and I think that God put some thoughts into my head to share with ya'll...

Our pastor at one time said that he was always confused because a lot of the time pastors would invite a congregation to a time of confession silently to themselves but would then interupt about 5 seconds later. He remarked "I wasn't NEARLY finished asking forgiveness for all of my sins". Ironically, I felt like my pastor then went on to only give us a small few moments to dig into our repentance. If our sins hold back the Lord from blessing us and using us if we don't repent, then why is it not given much more time to? Anyways...I was reminded of some things in a book that I'm reading...

I'm [trying to at least] reading this book called "The Normal Christian Life" by a man named Watchman Nee. This actually is a book that I got my dad for Christmas but it looked pretty good so I thought I'd read some while I am home on Christmas break from school. In this book he talks about the first eight chapters of Romans, and I'll VERY briefly describe what Nee says.
Nee says that in studying the first eight chapters there is a distinctive divide in how the Word talks of sin(s). In the first about five chapters our "SINS" are addressed. Whereas, it is referred to as just our "SIN" in the other chapters leading up to eight. "Sins" refer to the vast aray of sins that we commit each day and need ask forgiveness for. On the other hand, "Sin" is in reference to that which is within us. This is the sin nature inside of us that can hold us captive often. Nee then goes on to talk about the salvation from each. Christ's blood covers our "sins". Since Jesus really died for us, our sins are looked at by God (not overlooked, says Nee) as covered in His Son's blood (which God is satisfied with). "Sin" needs to be dealt with by "the cross". The blood is for forgiveness of sins, and the cross delivers us from sin.

I don't know if any of this strikes a chord with any of you, but it certainly did for me especially this morning. Sin is THE THING that creates a gap between us and God. We sin so often, too, don't we? I realized this morning my stance on repentance: our sins simply CANNOT just be dealt with by saying "I'm sorry, God, I'll try to never do that again". Don't get me wrong, there IS truth in that! There DEFINITELY is truth in that. Jesus died so that if we just confess our sins and believe in Him, that we will have eternal life. but consider this...what about that awful feeling that you can have some mornings when you wake up? You ask forgiveness but still feel consumed with guilt and just live on, because we KNOW that the Lord has forgiven us but just settle by thinking that this feeling is normal and how it is supposed to be. This is how it is supposed to be: WE ARE SUPPOSED TO EXPERIENCE VICTORY OVER THINGS LIKE THAT! We are supposed to have rest, and peace, and joy, and power! I honestly think that in repenting of our sins, we should (1) take the time and cry out to God in asking for forgiveness, and (2) get some prayer and pray for deliverance from the hold that sin has on you (and I)...what if this begins to break down "sin" and its power and hold on us. What if we begin to truly feel forgiven and feel joyous? What if repentance is more than just apologizing and moving on without asking for help with what is happening inside?

God is real.
real good, too.

sfk

speaking of sick...

2007-12-28T10:15:00.000-08:00

Other things that I am sick of:

-being sick
-church that is so focused on bringing people in (seeker-sensitivity in a way) that it neglects to be what it was called to be, the body of Christ that edifies each other and teaches and fellowship's in the power of the Holy Spirit, but instead brings in and focuses on "new worship songs" and experiential highs...church is not, nor has it ever been intended to be, solely a social club...
-the pattern of captivity that sin holds us in sometimes
-women that tell me that I'm great, I've treated them wonderfully, everything was good, but then all of the sudden get scared and run away (ironically, three ran away to another guy within a very very short time)
-people not being honest with me
-being lonely and even though I'm told otherwise, feeling like I now offer almost nothing positive to a woman
-drama
-people who don't consider others, and block sensitivity in every way possible out of their lives
-women who dress like skanks
-sex-appeal driven consumerism
-expensive gas
-money (let's go back to the bartering system, ey?)
-Satan's hold on so many people's self-confidence
-the fact that every school, including college, does not enforce a 2-3 hour naptime during the day sometime
-hardcore bands that are not musically gifted in any way
-unhealthy food that makes me want to eat it all of the time
-people that shave their face (just kidding, but come on, beards are amazing)
-unfaithful significant other's
-constant distraction from [at least] occasional silence and solitude
-body hair
-beard's that doesn't grow fast enough
-jealousy
-IHOP's pancakes that just aren't quite big enough

That's not quite all...but almost :)

sfk

Sick of it...

2007-12-25T09:06:00.000-08:00

Last night, even though thoughts of loneliness, anger, and insecurity were very prominent in my thoughts, I went to bed fine. There were no pre-Christmas day jitters. Since when did I stop being excited about Christmas? Was it when I stopped caring so much about gifts? Or is it completely at my fault for somehow, in some way, intentionally losing excitement?

The same applies [and trust me, I hate cheesy analogies, but this really fits well...] to my faith right now...I am holding myself back so much! I have brought myself to a place where I am becoming critical of everything that doesn't speak directly to my heart, when the reality is that God speaks through whatever means he chooses. I need to, right now, start and kill my will. (not my awesome friend Will Rowland though, I meant my desires...my personal, selfish agenda). When I let the Lord take over, excitement will come back. It will.

Two reasons that I feel dull and numb:

[1] I am not being open and not letting anyone in to my heart or thoughts, nor am I allowing anything to captivate me emotionally. WHY? I don't know! But I'm going to try and stop...

[2] I am spiritually being held captive. I feel that fact stronger each day. The chains have been broken many times in my past; however, the damn "enemy" has me bound still, or again. I say this not as an excuse to my human flaws and inability to conquer struggles. I say this because I know that there is something going on that needs to be taken care of. I am help captive, and am trying to escape through prayer, by loneliness, sadness, lust, confusion, insecurity, laziness, and a lack of self-confidence. It's time for these to leave. It's time to see some victory...

MAI KNEE SIS

2007-12-24T20:55:00.000-08:00

My nieces are such a blessing. Period. Even though the desired decibel level in a room with them is sometimes exceeded, they bring so much joy into my life when they're around. Especially when they want to be with me. Today, everyone came over. Justin & Beth w/Sarah, Lauryn, Lainey, and Audrey...and Chris & Laura with Maddie.

Today was one of those days that was just good with my nieces. They wanted to play. They wanted to jump around on me. And most of all they all actually wanted to hug me and kiss me on the cheek both randomly throughout the day and when they had to leave. It was great...that part of the day at least. SO that's all I'll talk about in this post ...
Sarah and I go way back. I didn't hold her at first. This is mostly because she was my first niece, and I was waaaaay too scared to have control of such a fragile lil' girl (though we at least try learn these days that no matter how fragile the person, they always need someone to hold them and take care of them...some people are just too resistant to that though, ey) in my arms...I love Sarah so much. She's one of those princess girls and in my opinion loves the fact that her younger sister (Lauryn) follows her around and mimicks all of her moves. Sarah is such a great niece :)

Lauryn is SOO precious. For some reason, with this girl I break when she is hurt or crying. I can't stand to see it...it's very weird because I'm fine when the other 4 girls cry...but not her. I think its because she is so cute. She is so dang innocent looking that she'll one day be able to get away with anything. But not while I'm around. I hope to fend off some hormone-ragin, teenaged, boys when the time comes. I'm hoping that some day we can all stage me to be the drunk uncle with a baseball bat (of course I wouldn't really be drunk) that opens the door to greet Lauryn's first date...:)

This is me and Lainey. and quite simply, I don't know another little girl who smiles as much as she does and has. She is really just recently getting to know me because most of her years thus far in life I've been at college...But man am I glad that she likes me at least a little bit because she brings me so much smiling...!

Audrey must mean "little ball of wonder". This beautiful little girl smiles almost as much as Lainey, but still has that fury of crying sometimes:) We don't know each other as well as I do the rest of the girls. But I gave her some potato chips today and we played alittle and she sat on my lap a few times. SO I think we're cool. I can't wait for her to get to know me more!

This is Madelyn! She is Chris and Laura's only daughter and she is some character. Awhile ago, I would have said that she is scary! when she doesn't get her way. But in all honesty she seems to be just as full of joy as anyone else I know. She kept wanting me to be "monster" today and chase her...I scared her so much that she fell down at least twice! And she pounds on me. Actually, today she latched on to my left ear with her teeth and i was scared she wasn't going to let go. OUCH. haha...I can't wait for this girl to grow up. She's so beautiful and is such a sweet little girl..

I obviously am blessed to have these girls as my nieces and can't tell you how much I love them!!! Just thought I'd share :)

sfk

hopefully this will be the last post i ever use the word "cute" or anything like that, haha!

but seriously...

The Bagette and the Adorable Old Woman next to me...

2007-12-23T20:18:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting in Panera today for my weekly "go-to-Panerabread-and-journal-slash-ponder-slash-eat a chipotle chicken sandwich" visit and I decided once and for all that I absolutely am amused by the elderly.
As I sat there, to be quite honest a bit confused as to why old people bring me so much joy, I decided to try and nail down some of the reasons why...and what I ended up with was about 4 abstract ideas that hardly describe why I feel drawn to "old" people :)

WHY do they bring me so much joy? Is it because the Holy Spirit puts them specially on my heart? I have always felt specifically drawn to, in my hopeful future career of physical therapy and rehab., geriatric rehabilitation, so maybe that's it.

Here are some of the things I wrote down:

(1.) They are quiet. But not just quiet. Almost as if they are peaceful. Tranquility is perhaps the best word, I believe.

(2.) They are slow. But not just slow--graceful and careful and cautious...and okay with not speeding around at the pace of our conformed culture.

(3.) The look of SORROW is always something I pick up on in a lot of the elderly's facial expression. It is, however, only "seemingly" present, because of course not all of them are down and depressed. That look of something...loneliness, sorrow, even quiet joy, just draws me in so much...

(4.) They are fragile. How could you not want to just love and care for something that is fragile?

Aren't I a character? Ha...Eating a Chipotle chicken sandwich (which I probably couldn't afford), analyzing my thoughts about the elderly, and all the while keeping a keen eye for the opportunity that maybe...just maybe...Some gorgeous woman will walk in, sit near me, get to know me, and someday let me just take care of her and be her strong man.

Or maybe that's too close a look into my thoughts, ey? For now...On Sunday night, Christmas Eve squared, I will just stop typing ;) Love ya'll and remember that you never know what type of day someone is having. you NEVER know what is going on in his or her life...so LOVE and express KINDNESS and GENEROSITY to everyone. You never know how much it may mean to some old woman staring around at the busyness of two younger generations, or to someone your age that seems just completely normal.

ya'll...I love that word.
till tomorrow'

sfk

IT'S SATURDAY AND I FINALLY GOT TO SLEEP IN!!!

2007-12-22T09:11:00.000-08:00

Below are a couple of our songs lyrically. They are our two oldest songs and lyrically stuff has gotten a ton better even than this over the past couple of months. If you want to check out the music (its hardcore music mind you, but maybe indeed you are daring enough) go to www.myspace.com/comeoncomehere

Our new stuff, we think, is going to hopefully be pretty incredible! I will be sure to keep ya'll posted on that though :)

So today is the first day of actually free time. After I finish this I will dig into the Word and have some of the well-needed silence and prayer that I've promised. Four of my nieces are over right now: Sarah, Lauryn, Lainey, and Audrey. I love them to death and always count it a blessing when they come visit the house. I can't even believe some of the things that they can do these days and say (for example, like put icing on a Christmas cookie in a pretty decent fashion...and saying things like "Uncle Seth...you blew it AGAAAIN with a girl? Aren't you ever going to keep one of them?"...One thing I know for sure: when my parents leave, there is no way......HOLY COW THEY ARE SCREAMING RIGHT NOW (:)) pardon the interuption....there is no way that I can afford to lose touch with them or especially my two brothers [as i've written about before, they mean so much to me its ridiculous]

Anyways...I haven't had any awesome pictures for awhile to post up here...But soon, very soon I shall...

I'll try to take some pics of my guys down around Dalton so ya'll can see them.

Also, I just realized that I say ya'll a lot now. Thanks Danny and Aunt Sally and Joy & Melissa. Thanks a whole lot! haha..but in all seriousness, I've always secretly thought that Southern Accents=AWESOME

that's all fo' rite now...

love yall
sfk

The Cry of a Lonely Scoffer- Of Grace and Glory

2007-12-22T09:10:00.000-08:00

We’ll stand alone!
[This Is, A Cry!]
Of lonely scoffer
[This Is, A Cry!]
Of sweet hypocrisy
Still glistening on their lips
Now his back has turned
Friendships weighing down the truth of others
[This Is, A Cry!]
Of insecurity
[This Is, A Cry!]
Of a caring heart

Too scared to give themselves, Too scared to give themselves,
But unable to stand alone
So walk, we’ll walk, just walk away

Truth that I'm right here,
And the truth is…
Truth that I'm right here,
And the truth is…
Truth that I'm right here

So stand strong as this storm rages on
Their demise is only an earshot away

[I'll give and stand!]
[We'll give and stand!]
[I'll give and stand!]
[We'll give and stand!]

Eaten By Vultures- Of Grace and Glory

2007-12-22T09:06:00.001-08:00

O, Father help, Wont you come?
He's cutting her through and through
A mother scorned again and again,
Left with nothing but a Mocker for a son,
and an unsatisfied barren womb.

O, Cursing boy! O, Disdainful glancer!
Well, the leech has two daughters,
"Give! Give!" they cry!
(Wont... You... Come... Through...)
It's time you feed them the needy,
From among mankind.

Though your teeth may be swords,
That wont hold back the Vultures!
Though your teeth may be swords,
That wont hold us back!
Can't you ever get enough? The fire never says, "Enough!"
The fire never says, "Enough!"

So Run, Mocker! Run!
For out come the ravens.
So look, Mocker! Look!
For they are coming for your eyes!

of GRACE and GLORY

2007-12-18T09:32:00.001-08:00

In other news...recording has been going awesome. We actually got to sleep in today!

Our vocalist and drummer decided to finish all of the vocals just themselves including harmonies and everything besides one part. Was {am} I pissed about that? Yep, pretty much.

The band has practically replaced me as a vocalist without my consent or even telling me that they wanted to. I won't vent on this too much because it's not to be made a huge deal. But since when are people not man enough to tell me what they really think? That is one of our generations biggest faults, not being able to be honest with each other (of course me and many others). I will try not to be overly angry, but come on!

Overall our trip has been great! We saw two movies for the price of one yesterday because the movie theatre...um...were running.....um......Christmas specials! yea, that's it! :) I know that I am ready to be home and spend some time with my parents and brothers and friends. Not quite ready for the 13 hour drive, but ehhh...Oh well

love ya'll
sfk

check us out @ myspace.com/comeoncomehere

we're throwing around the idea of changing our name to "Of Grace and Glory"

what do you think?

Da Holy Ghost

2007-12-18T08:33:00.000-08:00

Oh the tragedy of a life of mediocrity

such a tragedy is a life of continual forgetfulness of our blessings

our potential

our source of strength

our everpresent
unconditional saviour

The very reason for titling this blog "Absconding Mediocrity" is something I have failed to live up to in the past couple of weeks.

Main Entry: ab·scond
Pronunciation: ab-'skänd, &b-
Function: intransitive verb
: to depart secretly : withdraw and hide oneself; specifically : to evade the legal process of a court by hiding within or secretly leaving its jurisdiction

God is real. God has called everyone. God has NOT called us to be mediocre!

The entire semester at Spring Arbor this past fall has been pretty horrible emotionally, with stress, with motivation to do anything, with motivation to be a follower of God...The funny thing is, as I've discussed before, he always brings me back. Whether it's with little things, or miraculous things, He manages to captivate me once more and bring me back to a place of change where I can grow and move on with my faith.
Also, this entire semester, I have learned in a class offered called COR300 (spiritual formation) to look at my life a little better and realized the busyness and distraction that consumes my life. All that I have learned flows towards the same ocean--> (stop settling for this unfulfilling life that I know that I'm living and move on to find MORE, whether in doing that you practice some solitude, some silence, some life-changing...)

I have failed...and now I hope to start over. I will proclaim how God has blessed me, I will spend some quality time with him, and then from there we will figure out how and where to go from there...

I have been wrestling with the idea of whether or not I should post this on the internet or not because of the sheer fact that it frightens me and I don't understand it. However, its' blessing overweighs my fear by SO MUCH! and I fear that I'm too much of a pansy to share it with those who are interested in my life and that love me. So here goes.... :)

There is more to Christianity than what I have learned in the past. Much more. I'm not saying that by meaning "we need to follow Jesus better and then our faith with be much MORE"...I'm saying that by meaning that there is SIGNIFICANTLY and almost (or maybe) UNLIMITEDLY more to this walk with a being who has created us.
I once heard a pastor say "the New Testament didn't just STOP. We aren't in the Old Testament II or anything. The power of God is still alive and working everywhere and why do we ignore it?"
A couple of wonderful people that I know who are going to be missionaries soon said this to me in pondering actually going to their country of missionwork, "Seth, I felt like how in the world can I go into another foreign country and do the works of Jesus without power? I knew then that there had to be something that we were missing and [that's a reason why] we sought it.
One night at a certain church in Michigan, the pastor was talking about something that I had previously understood to be incredibly weird, and probably not real. The power of the Holy Spirit and the reality of a larger portion of the Holy Spirit being poured out. I kid you not, to this point I thought this stuff was the wackiest, most fraudulent part of some Christian denominations...Nevertheless, this pastor seemed to be speaking directly to me. Before he had even finished his talking, I was already running up to the front of the church. And I was shaking. No joke. Involuntarily shaking. My legs, my chest, my arms and my shoulders...they were shaking uncontrollably about every 5 seconds. I knew this: IF there is actually a power that God can fill us with, something that is actually real, something that will act as a running stream within me to fuel my desires for intimacy with my creator and my drive to obey Him. THEN I WANT THAT! If God has more for us, then how could I not want that? I felt like my faith was bland. Dying.
This man prayed for me, and if you are still with me, reading this, he just prayed for a new life to begin. He prayed for the Holy Spirit to fill me and baptize me like never before and for my will to just die with this new beginning (death to my desires). I could not feel my face anymore. My entire upper extremity (yeah, I know, I said upper extremity. Live with it, I'm a fitness and physical therapy guy!) was numb and all at once I kind of just felt like I could finally let go and give in to something new.

To be simple now, the Power of God umm...well, took me over and pushed me to the groung. I was lying there. On my back. and physically feeling that a pair of hands were holding my head. I even reached up with my own two hands to touch the hands that were holding me but there were none. If you want to know more please ask me :) I'll leave you with this: I now feel excited to pray, to sit in silence, to live out aspects of my faith that I haven't before. One specific thing that has changed is the fact that the last couple of times that I have worshipped and prayed, I have barely been able to contain myself! So excited!

If you're still with me up to this point, thanks for being genuinely interested :) I can only say that this is completely real and that if you know me I hope you would trust what I'm saying to be true and genuine.

I love you all (well...at least most of you i think;) ) and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

i hear there is snow in Ohio? AMAZING!

-sfk

2007-12-16T15:37:00.001-08:00

Wow

Honestly I can't even begin to describe what the past couple weeks (OR semester) has been like for me. Thank God that the semester is over though. I do know a few things:

I'm in Geogya! (Georgia). The band, I'll call it that for now because we're going to change our name very soon, plus Ryan P took a trip after our last final straight to Roswell-ish, Georgia from Spring Arbor. We drove down thanks to some generosity from Ryan in actually driving four of us down in his van. That van had 5 crazy people and every piece of our music gear that we needed for the weekend.

As soon as we arrived at Jono's house, a huge empty house (because they've recently moved) in a nice community, we unloaded all of our gear and got started. It was 3:55a.m...

We've had a great time so far. All of my bass tracks are laid down; and though it's taking us a really long time to get stuff at least somewhere close to perfect, I think we're going to have a sweet, full album available sometime early next year. We've written a lot of new stuff that is MUCH more technical than previous songs and let me just say humbly that my bass playing has evolved because of learning all of the crazy-hard segments that fit into our songs.

We start vocals sometime tomorrow and will be driving back to Spring Arbor starting Wednesday night.

To anyone who cares: hang in there. I'll write a little more deeply about what's happening in the near future. Time has been consumed at a nasty rate over the past few weeks and I hope to have plenty of rest and reflection over my Christmas break.

-sfk

oh...and if Uncle Danny, Aunt Sally, or Joy or Melissa is reading, I'm sorry, but this time I don't even think there will be any time to visit any of you :( If there is an open afternoon between now and Wednesday I will DEFINITELY get your numbers from my mom and see if we can work something out. I haven't seen [ya'll] in such a long time!

and if none of you read my blog...well, then I guess that last paragraph was pointless, ey?

and so was that one

and that one...

More To Come...Don't Worry, Ey?

2007-12-07T19:34:00.000-08:00

I have had a TON of stuff happen in the past week or so that I am eager to write about...

But DANG! have I been busy lately. Tomorrow morning I'll have time finally and will try to put up another blog and let ya'll know what's going on in my life
...not that anyone is reading this to learn that or anything ;)

Until then, take care

and always remember what the Lord has done for us
sfk

2007-12-03T16:11:00.000-08:00

On campus today there was a beeping in the quad [yea...that's what we need to call all of the grass and sidewalk within the library, science building, clocktower, and DC here at good ol' Spring Arbor University]

At first I ignored this beeping sound because I was on my way to finish some last minute studying for Biomechanics (my kinesiology course here at SAU).

Later I took some time to walk over to the easel-ish stand in the quad and read what this week's demonstration is.
It was a poster designed by LINK that had information about the statistics of the death's caused by AIDS in one country in Africa (I forget which county. but I'll go find out what it was as soon as I'm done writing this blog)

In this aforementioned country...

one person dies every 13 seconds due to AIDS...

For some reason, today, I was filled with compassion and very broken by this. Even more so was I deeply disturbed at the reality and ignorance of us towards this reality. The was a CD playing that was looping a --beep-- every 13 seconds. How can we ignore that? I walked away cringing because from what I understand, every single one of those beeps actually represents one of our brothers or sisters dying over there.

When did I lose compassion and become numb to things like this? It is such an injustice to not consider lifting a prayer or thought even in the direction of those who are suffering. Should we feel guilty? Maybe not...but this is all I know. God has been working in me a lot over the past couple of days and opening my eyes to truths that he wants me to grasp. God spoke to me through this poster today...I suppose what He has been saying is this:

"Seth (and please...insert your name here if you so desire a challenge), I'm going to break your heart if you let me. Because this is the reality: there is such an enormous amount of broken people. Different degrees of brokenness exist...but remember this: each one....EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE...of these people, broken or not, is my child. I love them so much and am fighting for them. I desire them, each one. That is a fact and, Seth, since you are seeking to follow me you need to grasp this and realize this. Love is not always easy; however, I love them so much and want them so bad. So get working for me. Now..."
-God

I'll end with that,
sfk

TORNADO(in my head)

2007-12-02T10:16:00.000-08:00

I cannot even explain to you the way I feel right now
SO...I will just make a list of the different things going on in my mind:

My discipline in my faith sucks...I desire the Lord so much but neglect to pay attention at an alarming frequency...more on my growth in that area later...because I need to fix that

As lonely as I feel sometimes...I genuinely do trust that God is holding me and will provide, well...as much as He holds for my future

I really can't wait to be able to grow my beard back again.

What conditions this can happen under:

I need a job that will tolerate it or (of course) a job on campus that doesn't really care

No requirements from any class to shave my face

that's it i guess

I may or may not pass away due to final projects overwhelming me!

I've recently realized that I don't know that much at all about aspects of my faith like the Holy Spirit and [his, its?] power; and waiting in silence for God to speak to me

Why do people anonymously leave me comments? Not cool. Because then I don't know who it is and that kills me...

I don't know whether or not I should take the Advanced Athletic Training course next semester, or the Introduction to Pharmacology (Medical Terminology) course...? Help me out, will ya?

I can't even believe how much I love hardcore music. Especially that of my band, Come On Come Here (check it out, www.myspace.com/comeoncomehere).

I can't wait for so many things in the future...

hmm...that's about it...HA. not really...but that's a lot of the things on my mind... For today (or at least right now) I think I'm done. until next post

-sfk-

breaking loose

2007-11-30T08:45:00.001-08:00

This is a lion. Obviously.

I took this picture 3 years ago while on a safari at Masai Mara, Kenya. "Why the picture of a lion?", you may ask? Here it begins:

Before I started my first year of college back in 2005 (has it really been that far in the past?!?), I will confidently say that I lacked much of any sense of individualism and self-identity at all. As much as I genuinely have learned from my pastor, youth pastor, and other influential characters in my life over the years, I had also been stuck in a large [now very obvious] rut of conformity and low self esteem. Whatever front that I displayed played no reality on what I was truly like. To concede a little bit, however, I was growing in my faith in God, and I built some (I would like to think) very solid friendships with some great guys throughout those years. However this all led up to one Sunday morning at my church in Ohio...

The graduating seniors of the year came up to the front to be prayed for. At the end of the prayers a good friend of my parents whom I had grown to know a little bit approached me and essentially told me this:

"Seth, I have a word for you (to this day, I firmly believe it was a prophecy...those still do happen today, ya know:]): Seth, I saw you as a lion.... you were this lion, and you were in a cage, but you were [i would like to believe ferociously] breaking out of that cage."

This I have regarded as something that the Lord wanted me to know...That I have the potential to escape triumphantly from this haze of mediocrity that my life held me in. He wants me to know that I am much more than how I view myself...and that I will break loose from the boundaries of this limited, somehow maybe even sedated life and FAITH that I've been living. that is what I now seek

Some incredible things have happened to me over the past few hours. I had no money to buy christmas presents for my parents with, I had no gas money to get home, I had no money for groceries for my apartment, none for my car insurance payments...I somehow (and legitimately) I owe National City bank $230. That is apart from school loans and all other financial junk (i hate money). This morning at 10:45 I got an email from the school saying that I've been refunded $250. today. 250 dollars. I talked to a friend this morning...I was freaking out and soo excited. He said, "wow dude, that's your debt plus 20 bucks change!"

GO ahead and tell me that God isn't real and I'll tell you that he shows up all of the time like this
GO ahead and tell me that there is not power in Jesus' name and I'll tell you that I was healed of a very rare skin disease that was supposed to be with me for my entire life.
GO ahead and tell me that God doesn't direct our paths and I'll tell you that in my recent search for more intimacy with the Lord, he cleared my debt and is practically yelling at me: "Keep pushing Seth, you're almost there. There is so much more of me than what you have. We can be so much closer than we already are. Just keep pushing and seeking."

that's a rap...
sfk

The End of the Road...

2007-11-28T03:49:00.000-08:00

I think God is breaking me...or something...I feel like I'm been numbed in so many circumstances that the ability to cry has been taken from me.
There's something about crying; The loss of control. The feeling of "Finally! A REAL emotion!"...it always brings me calling out to the Lord. In the past I've cried: the times I've been heartbroken, the times I've been helpless, the times I've been overwhelmingly thankful...

Last night I found out that somehow I've overdrawn my checking account. by a lot. Maybe this seems a not-so-tragic concept for some of you. For me, I just realized that any source of cash for food, gas...doesn't exist. I get paid a small amount soon but not near enough....ANYWAYS... I don't feel like talking about money right now.

Let me instead discuss the interesting fact that I've told 3 people recently that I feel absolutely helpless (my parents and a great friend)...and though I didn't hold any expectations as to what a proper response would be, I was shocked to hear them each say "That's a good place to be..."...Last night I cried. And please, spare me any flak about me saying this to get attention or any other reason...For almost an hour I just cried. About the things that have hit me over the past year. About the complete lack of control that I possess right now. About my parents moving to China in March. About my anger towards my friends that I've had....I cried. I cannot describe to you how good and horrible it felt at the same.

The only step that I have
left to take
Is to give over all control to the Lord
I don't know how everything will work out
nevertheless, God please help me. I've screwed everything up and everything around me seems hostile and attacking to me...Help me and don't ever let me stray so far away from you for this long ever again...

sfk

Sleepless in Seat-------...Umm...I mean Spring Arbor

2007-11-26T21:55:00.000-08:00

Chances are...I'm going to talk a lot about Seattle in the near future. How pumped am I for it? You have no idea.

Something about the idea that God may really want to use a couple months of my life to just take me and mold me is incredible. Mix that with my ever increasing urge for the Lord recently and my countless failures in the past and you get one excited guy.

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you, my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land (Psalm 63:1)

How often have I been given opportunities to spend some one-on-one time with my Saviour?
Only to intentionally distract myself to escape having to deal with myself, my problems, my vast array of insecurities, and more intense yet: my inexplicable salvation from sin, the grace that's been giv'n to me so undervingly, and my Lord that is yearning for me to chase after Him...

No longer will I block out all of these things. I absolutely despise the fact that I can't handle silence. This next summer I will take advantage of this idea that God's given to me. A couple months of me and Him, some beach, some waves crashes against cliffs...some space needle...ha
I'll have some pictures of my own to share with you all after July hopefully ;)
until then,
sfk

mmm...

2007-11-24T08:51:00.000-08:00

Three things on my mind today, and I may as well be honest:

(1) This is crab dip. A mixture of cream cheese, cheddar cheese, some other stuff, and crab meat...dip some crackers in this (crackers as in the small grain things, not as in white people) and it will seriously make your day. I LOOOOOOVE crab dip. oh dang...here's what it looks like. After I've eaten some...of course....

(2) I am practically jumping out of my clothes (that's probably not the proper phrase to use in that situation...) EXCITED to take off this summer. I'm planning on moving to Seattle to basically, genuinely, and as cliche as it sounds, find myself and have some solitude. There has been so much change in my life within the past 8 months that I really feel that God is nudging me to get away, spend some time with him, and do something different. Most of you know that my parents are moving away in early March to be m______s in China (I think I already need to start practicing using code in online posts. The Chinese government apparently filters through things that are viewed and I would never want to put them at risk, right?). Anyways, they're takin off...and so am I...lots of adventures ahead and I cannot wait!

and finally...

(3) well. as always. Women are on my mind :) The confusion that they cause inside of me. The adoration that...wait...I just realized I don't have near enough time to talk about this right now :) see ya ....

Some stuff I wrote this summer...

2007-11-22T13:18:00.000-08:00

I have experienced defeat and then victory in so many ways this semester so far.

in writing down some of my feelings [those that prompted me to start this whole thing], they became more intense and accurate a summary of these last few months than I realized
so yea, here's what's been going on:

adoration is not so easily accepted
love is not so easily come by
feelings are never so easily withdrawn from
forgiveness is not so easily, willfully giv'n
brokeness is not so easily escaped from

healing is not so easily evaded
joy is not so easily hidden from
love has never before been so easily fulfilled by its truest form

I have truly experienced so much healing as well as brokenness over the past few months...so keep in mind that all that I speak of is of the past, but nevertheless has been a part of my life:

don't tell me
that I don't know what love is
that I have no idea...

because

it was you and me happy
you and me just 'being'
you and me laughing
you and me.
happy, 'being', and laughing
...so much that it was freeing

Do I think that it is destructive to recall these writings from my past? No. I have been able to get past these feelings and move on, and thank God for that. Anyone else ever wonder how Paul did it? Learning to be content no matter what situation he was in.

Yet my good friend Jen said the other day, "Yeah...But Seth, Paul had never experienced the joy of having a significant other in his life."
I don't know the accuracy of that...but it's a good point if it is, true, ey?

My family is about to all arrive and then its time for turkey! Talk to you later? yes
-sfk

the FAM

2007-11-20T15:40:00.000-08:00

The start of something I have been planning on doing for awhile in preparation for Thanksgiving:

My mom: I am so thankful for her for so many reasons. From her I was given sensitivity and in her I see such an admirable sensitivity towards the Lord's callin for her and towards people. She's taken care of me and been the one in my life along with my dad that has consistently, no matter what the circumstance, added in the most genuine manner after a situation "You know that we love you, son. That will never change."

My dad: My dad is quite possibly the most influential person in my life [though he may not know this...well...at least until right about now when he's reading it]. I've never known a wiser man, and I say that very seriously. I have NEVER understood how my dad can be so incredibly strong in every situation, so incredibly gentle even in his disappointment with me, and so INCREDIBLY loving to me in the most unchanging manner possible. The fact that my dad adores me and loves me is not only one of the main things driving me in every day life, but is also one of the leading factors that have kept me near to God over the years.

My Brother Chris: I can't even tell you how much I love Chris and that he doesn't even know it. Plain and simple, I look up to him. To be completely honest, I don't believe that he thinks I look up to him at all. Since mom, dad, and justin live a little different lifestyles than him, I think he may look at the possibility of me looking up to him as not good...and this just isn't true. Chris is SOOOO cool. He always makes me laugh, and we seem to (at least I hope we do) share this sense of relevancy where we're on the same level of thought during some discussions and interactions within our family. If I could have one thing if I knew I was going to die tomorrow, I would simply ask that Chris look at Jesus and Christianity in my point of view: to many people, it appears SOOO lame and hypocritical because, well...Lots of Christians are INCREDIBLY lame and even moreso hypocritical. But that's not what matters. The Lord has seriously, no joke, REALLY changed my life. It's real, and I'm sorry that so many people ruin the reality of God and what God can do for someone. I'm sorry if I ever have, and I will try to keep praying that all of the shit in his life that has happened or is happening doesn't effect his view of God anymore. God is so real. Chris is such a "cool" guy to me. Every time I'm around him, I'm slightly embarrassed to say, I feel like I'm cooler. Ha. I love Chris so much and plan on trying to communicate that to him this Thanksgiving...

My Brother Justin: I cannot even believe sometimes the strength that it must take to get through what Justin has in the past year. There were so many times where I just wanted to cry for him. I just wanted to be able to take his place because I knew even from imagining what he must feel that the amount of hurt, insecurity, and anger inside must be completely overwhelming. I love Justin. He has always seemed so mature. He went to college, found a beautiful wife, got a great degree, was offered many generous jobs... This is what I saw myself hopefully also doing. Now that hell broke loose. Guess what. I still look up to him...probably even more. Though I've not talked to him in great detail personally about his situation, I believe that he ended up ultimately falling on the Lord for strength. That's the most important thing isn't it? Realizing that your own strength is just NOT going to cut it. Justin still strives for the Lord. That is proof to me that I am on the right track. I love Justin SOO much and am thankful that He remains a good model for me and a great brother...

come on, come here!

2007-11-19T15:36:00.000-08:00

Late breaking news: S F K is not "hardcore" (hmm...I never thought that I would ever refer to myself in the third person in my life...that's too bad)

I'm in an incredibly fun hardcore band named "Come on Come here"...a ridiculous name in my opinion. However, me and four great friends get together and just release. Release Emotion, Energy, Brain Cells, any chance for my back to feel good :) It's great. I love it. I've always had a love for that screaming music that most of you despise. It seems so real to me for certain bands. I feel as if they understand better how to be honest and express themselves than a lot of other genres of music.

Other types of music I like: classical piano; any concert material from Bach, Beethoven, people like that; chill music is the best...ever...Copeland, Augustana anyone?; worship music...

Anyways...the point of this was actually only to post some cool pictures up from some of come on come here's shows...here they are :) what is hardcore anyways, right? whatever it is, you gotta love it...

A hopeful beginning...

2007-11-19T13:05:00.001-08:00

So it's me, Seth. This is my first shot at genuinely keeping a blog on a consistent basis. First results: pretty darn good...considering this is only my first post!

Over the next few months [hopefully years], I hope to keep a very accurate, real, [funny] and honest blog of what's going on in my life. Your first thought may be similar to my first thought when learning how huge blogging is becoming: "what is the purpose of keeping a public journal? What do you seek in doing this?". Valid question. As I grow up, I realize more and more different aspects about my personality, character, and who the Lord has made me to be. One of those very aspects is the fact that sometimes, especially these days during some of the more extreme of the feelings that I've ever had in my life, I have thoughts in my head that are screaming to be let out. I am in a hardcore band, a worship band, a great community of friends, a wonderful university...but still I have things to say that I want people to hear. If no one was to ever read a blog post of mine, I would be completely fine with it. It's a matter of expressing what makes my heart ache. It's a matter of asking questions that I may not even want the answers to. It is a plain FACT that my generation is one of communication and affirmation. We look express ourselves, to become someone unique whether by our ideas or whatever else...We also look to be encouraged along the way. This can be a good and a bad thing.

In his The Imitation of Christ, Thomas a Kempis says

"Why, indeed, do we converse and gossip among ourselves when we so seldom part without a troubled conscience? We do so because we seek comfort from one another's conversation and wish to ease the mind wearied by diverse thoughts. Hence, we talk and think quite fondly of things we like very much or of things we dislike intensely."

My goal in this is not to gossip and waste my words (and possibility of carpal tunnel syndrome) with idle talk. Instead, I only seek to express myself. In this, I hope that it will challenge me to be a more diverse thinker. I hope that it challenges my faith in knowing that I should "compose another blog today".

I was writing down my feelings about some things in my life the other night and realized that I had no way of expressing it. Facebook ( i know...LAME) would have been too hurtful and direct to post onto. Myspace is loaded with pornography and fake identities. And for some reason, having a friend read or listen to at least SOME of the things I have to say just didn't seem enough. So here I go, being careful not to take advantage of a great opportunity to express myself and grow.

To you, reader, I say please feel free to read and comment and give me feedback. But be warned that I will be honest. If a blog is about you, I'm sorry (or maybe not, ey?). Let's see where this goes, shall we? :)

absconding reality,
-sfk