Thoughts on acting "different"

So this weekend was amazing.
I got to see some family that I haven't seen in SUCH a long time.
I got to see a best friend of mine's new living environment in Georgia.
I got to hang out with people I love.

It's interesting how relationships differ. Someone recently asked me if they think that one should be the exact same person in every relationship setting and situation. I thought about it, almost said "yea, dude", and then realized that I don't really believe that anymore. This concept is something that I think somehow we were taught in youth group or something...the notion that we should be the same all over the place...

At the core of this, of course, it's true that the goal of our lives should be moving towards Christ's will and each individual's character should stay true and untainted by one another. However, I've seen people using this idea against others and creating guilt in someone else because he or she acts a little different around different settings of friend groups. That's just wrong...I think, for what it's worth, that it's natural and healthy to act differently [of course to what extent is a sensitive and crucial factor in this...let's be careful with that because obviously we shouldn't become different personalitys 'round different friends...that's just crazy talk].

I came to this while thinking about the variety of friends that I have. My BFF Ryan (don't tell ANYONE I used that term, even if it was jokingly) and I have a different relationship with each other than we do with others. Our conversations are not always filled with deep thought. Our conversations tend to focus on joy and experiences that we're having/have had. We relate to each other in this way. Not that we stray from other talk, it just so happens that we're pretty softspoken around each other and focus on experiencing together rather than talking about it.

My girlfriend and I are able to have a much different kind of relationship. We're not going to sit in the front seat of a car and be silent for a whole trip just because we're experiencing it together. No, we act differently around each other than we would around others. Not DRASTICALLY different, but I would say noteably.

We feed off of each other's personality traits, and they feed off of ours. I just don't see it as irrational to say that it's okay to be a little different around different people. All of this said and I still believe that, should I or Ryan want to talk about something important or deeper than normal, that opportunity is completely there, open, and not discounted. Should my babe (:]) and I want to sit in silence and just experience the changing colors of the trees while in the car, that is completely normal and not discouraged.

Obviously there are plenty of exceptions which I'm sure you'll bring up if they must be addressed :) But that's what I think about that...

In other news, skool iz harde and I'm excited to get into and finish grad. school so I can just work and do what I want! Hahaa...haa...ha.....h....anyways...love you guys, talk to ya soon

REST...

So I was thinking today about rest. It's been a huge topic in discussions about faith especially between my parents and I...and a topic of thought today as I was sitting in a pew. My mom optimistically comments very often that, "we're just trying to learn how to rest in him". This simplicity is essential in developing intimacy with the Lord, I think. It's similar to saying "I just need to love...and if I truly do this, then everything else will follow". Maybe it's even the same idea... But how true is this concept? So true...

The word -rest- can be defined in several ways:

1. refreshing quiet [...]
2. relief or freedom [...]
3. cessation or absence of motion [...]

and more...
But what I take away from this, applicable to my faith, is that there is a release of responsibility in rest. A stop to what WE are doing. A tranquility that falls in this...A submission. Submission seems to be the essence of a healthy, loving, and genuine relationship.

Then there truly is freedom in learning to rest in Him. It's an amazing concept. The root of this whole blog started when a pastor today said, "let's pray"...and as I closed my eyes...I sighed a long sigh of relief.
"Finally," I thought, "I can't wait to just release my thoughts into his presence. I can't wait to just let my mind wander in his greatness instead of the trashy stress and confusion of living here on earth."
I realized that, looking back on the past, I sigh A LOT right before I start to pray...and this is because it's SO relieving to be in His presence and to REST in Him. This all stems out of my desire to be in a great relationship with my savior and creator. I want to be closer to God. I feel the NEED and PULL for this to happen. I'm sure you feel or have felt this before, too. EVERY SINGLE DAY I get caught up in a confusion of a faith that is theologically perfect, knowledge-infused, and legalistic. But I think its much more simple than that...To find that relief in his presence I need only to seek that presence as often as possible. To sigh in his presence. To cry in his presence...to submit and give my life truly to him because of that...

So yea...moral: take a chill pill and make some time for God if you want to get closer to Him. He's not limited to time we make for him, but it sure is a good way for us to contribute in the relationship, eh?

Peek-tures

Here are some pictures...just some random stuff of my life nowadays...:)



this is one from my summer backpacking/roadtrip with Ryan...far away from anything or anyone else...


















Me and Crissie...being weird and growling...or something...












Crissie and I before last school year ended... :) ...















Me, Lainey, and Audrey! When I had an ENORMOUS beard...!









There are tons more pictures...but I'll start ya'll off with a few. Love you all,

-s.francis.k-

Re-Do...

Hey everyone...I'm awful at keeping up with writing this blog.
If you want to know about what I've gone through this summer, give me a call :) I'd be glad to let you know the different experiences and what I've learned through all of them.

Due to some recent events, I feel compelled to "start over" and begin writing about my life. I don't know if any of you still check this, but it's time that I jot down my thoughts once again. It helps me...a lot...

I'll start with with a list and then expound on each in due time. I love you all and hope you stick with me through the craziness of life, love, and excitement...

1) I'm having an incredibly hard time with my parents being gone in that "other country"...and originally I felt like no one cares to inquire about it to me. I talked to my, I guess you could call him my roommate and mentor--Damon-- and he assured me that this is not the reality. I hide my outward emotions a lot. Unless I'm asked, I rarely reveal the deeper of the hurts that I have. I consider myself very open; however, when no one approaches me about how I'm REALLY doing with my parents gone, I've felt abandoned by my friends...I suppose I don't really even want to talk necessarily about it. I just have a lot of feeling left to do with mom and dad away, and I want someone to recognize that.

2) I have an amazing, beautiful, precious girlfriend. Crissie and I started hanging out about 8 months ago...but during that time was when my parents left. I took out a lot of my pain on her and treated her opposite the way that she should have been treated. Realizing this over the summer, I tried to win her when I returned from the west coast. She possesses so much of what I desire in a woman and I had to have her. Somehow, she decided it was okay to try me out :) Stuff is amazing with Crissie and I. I love her, and that's not something I can say about any other woman (of course my mother and friends...but that's different, right? :-]). She takes care of me. Encourages and affirms me more than my big head can handle sometimes :). She's just great. Get to know her, eh?

3) I graduat college this May. What the h... Who knows what the future holds. I'm excited though. I've grown up in incredibly large and sudden ways both this summer and over this past couple years. I'm not scared, for some reason, to think about future and get started on this blessing of life.

Life is a constant struggle. But one worth going through...as long as along the way I'm absconding mediocrity...strafing away from an average existence or a "proper, perfect" life...

until next time [coming soon...]
-s.francis.k-

So That Was Seattle?!?

The Next Few Days...

Day #4
Wednesday, May 21st, 2008
11:58a.m.

"Last night was the craziest, and probably most intense nights of my entire life...in all seriousness. Brock never called us back, so we were left with no options for a home...completely and legitimately homeless. We eventually and sluggishly found our "spot" after trespassing onto Railroad property. We hopped a fence and found ourselves in a small bike path park, in it's wooded area (I use wooded loosely), just before closing time around 11pm. We settled in behind and underneath a somewhat dense bush (so we thought) in order to hide Ryan's bright orange sleeping bag. Knowing that we could get in big trouble for sleeping here we tried to be as quiet and sly as possible. My freaking heart beat fast and hard the ENTIRE night it seemed. Not 15 feet away, through the fence, trains started rolling in...from about 11:45pm to 2:00am. If they were looking, they had to have seen us...even though we were well-concealed from the bike/jogging path! At one point, Ryan motioned me "shhhh!" as a RR worker walked RIGHT by us with a flashlight, probably on his way to switch tracks for the arriving train. I have never heard more aweful, loud noises before what I heard last night. I was covered so I didn't see what the noises were, but wow were they loud! Another aspect of the night were the rats and raccoons. THey scurried everywhere around us all through the night, making it SO uncomfortable to try and sleep...They came within 1 foot of us sometimes.

I miss my parents...a lot. I just said to Ryan, "Dude, my parents move to China in 4 days." That's so hard to accept. I can hardly take thinking about how much I'll miss them.

7ish pm...
We've been walking since about 6:30am and awake since 3am. It seems like we'll never find ourselves a place to stay. THere is one place that seems promising, but who knows...I'm trying to Trust the Lord to provide, but wondering so often how the "heck" I got out here and what my purpose for this trip really was [is]. I ust hope God will drop some peace and comfort into our laps. Please, God...please. The highest calorie food that we've had so far is this Hershey's chocolate bar that we just finished together a couple of minutes ago. What an adventure...

11:23pm
Today was incredibly exhausting...I am too tired to write more. But I'll fill the next few pages with today's until tomorwejkj......"

Just an update...Everyone remember that this is not my CURRENT journal, but what I kept while I was in Seattle and Cali. There are just some cool things that I went through and wanted to share with ya'll...

By the way, I later found out that Ryan was "protecting" me by not telling me how many rats really approached him on his side during the night...About 7 or 8....oh wow....I thanked him...I guess:)

Finally there....

Day#3
Tuesday, May 20th 2008
9:30 a.m.

"I didn't sleep as well on the train this past night...this trip, as far as the functionality of it all by AmTrak, has been and is a disaster. I think we've lost a total of 4 or 5 engines so far, meaning that our average speed has had to be something like 45mph. Right now the train tenants are literally running down the aisles trying to sort things out; I think they, either intentionally or unintentionally, left 2 of the tenants back @ the last stop.

[...]
Last night as I slept (or tried), everytime we made a stop, more people left and boarded...Secretly and silently each time I woke up wishing and praying that no one would be assigned next to me, because my seatmate got off around 9:00 last night and I had both seats to myself...
[...]

A conviction came to me yesterday when not being able to handle a woman's physical condition as I watched her struggle to just walk. The way that she walked and looked absolutely for some reason shook me and unsettled my heart. I felt the Lord tell me this: NEVER TAKE JOY IN SOME ELSE'S MISFORTUNE...NEVER.

9:30p.m
Both Ryan and I are wondering why the ___ we decided to be this crazy. We're both still really excited, but wow are we scared. We tryed Ryan's alcohol stove at a park near the bay, but it was way too windy so we trekked a bit inland (OH YEA!!! We're in Seattle!!!) We walked past a loud group of "people" within our first 2 miles from the train station and I have to say that reality hit me and I said to Ryan, "We're in a whole new and different type of city now, bro!"...

It's 9:34 now and we freaking don't have a place to stay in Seattle. We're sitting in a city park about the width of a building, and since there is light we decided to journal...on a different note, we're waiting around because when we called Brock the first time he said, "it's cool! We'll have a few drinks and chill!" But now, against all that I had hoped for, he is "not picking up". Hopefully he'll call back...We really really hope so. If not...well...hopefully the cops won't pick us two homeless dudes up and jail us [not that that would really even be a horrible option right now because it's starting to sprinkle]...
If I thought for one second that this trip would be relaxing and stress-free, I take it back. The adventure has begun, we're scared ___less in a huge city, we're pumped for what lies ahead, and we're hopefully for many, many different things. Oh yeah, and we had our first hot meal since Sunday morning--oatmeal--and wow was is ever so good. Please Lord, protect us. Keep us humble but safe. Reveal yourself to me. Send your glory & favor. Help..."