[wind]ing road

The wind was crazy yesterday. Absolutely crazy. I mean I was working 10pm-6am and walking around and it almost put my on my face a couple of times.

...and I could have sworn that one time, in a gust of violent wind, that God was incredibly angry at me
what have i done lately to deserve any grace?
what attempts have i made recently to anchor even one bolt to help me climb out of this cavern?
how many times have i recently [blatantly] ignored His presence. drawing me. calling to me. crying for me.?
why haven't i just let Him take me over?
what am i so afraid of?

Here's the answer key to those questions:
you've done nothing to deserve any grace...
you've not made any bolts to progress or signify a desire to leave this cavern...
too many times to count...
because you're afraid...
you're afraid of insufficiency
of incompletion
of inability


I know that this note is a bit melancholy...it is the abstractness of the core of some of the negative ideas in my head.

To be completely honest, I'm doing really, REALLY well. While I am being honest though I must say that I ran far away from my walk with the Lord for awhile. and that is changing.

Tomorrow I'll post some things that are actually happening in my life...


I do not confess that these chains are stronger than I can handle, for I am empowered by the greatest force that has or will ever exist. But it is truthfully taking me a bit longer than expected to break free.

I love ya'll...and sorry I've been away for so long. Take care, love people more than you ever thought you possibly could, and I will talk to you soon.

-sfk