All i have...

SAU's chapel speaker today was some guy with an impressive track record of teaching and presiding over seminaries and universities. Most of what he said seemed OK but that at best. And then he quoted a woman, dying when she said, "I'm the  best I've been in my whole life." He asked why and she replied that, "Jesus can't be all I need unless He's all I have." 

That is truth.

I'm always telling myself that complete submission to Him is 'where it's at'...But I rarely arrive at a place in life where I can find that all I want and all I need is Jesus' presence. I think hearing that quote this morning made me realize how much I want more of a DESIRE for the Lord and all that comes with him. I've been in places where all I have is Jesus...where he's the only thing I feel safe thinking about...the only thing that could possibly save me from the situation I'm in...the only presence that can take away my twirling hurts and emotions...I've been there and it's an amazing step to be on with Him. I want that more. I want it all the time. He has to be all I have. "All I have" seems confusing...but speaking abstractly to have Jesus be all I have doesn't always mean becoming a vagabonds and punching myself in the face. I can get to that place by proclaiming...recognizing coherently and out loud even...that nothing satisifies and cares for me more than he does. I can get there by actually living dead to my desires. All that matters is the Lord's presence, wrapped and nuzzled around me, guiding me to LOVE. That's all I want to have. Because once I get there, my relationships will change. I'll have even MORE to give out to the amazing people in my life: my girlfriend, my parents, my roommates, my unknown and unmet people that he wants to use me for...

Obviously I have SO many things. I'm not saying give them up. I'm just saying that we need to live in the fact that God is the only presence that could possibly fulfill us completely.

That's about it today...hopefully some of this made sense :)

~General King~ (inside joke...prophecy...whatever you wanna call it..ask me about it later :])

Thoughts on acting "different"

So this weekend was amazing.
I got to see some family that I haven't seen in SUCH a long time.
I got to see a best friend of mine's new living environment in Georgia.
I got to hang out with people I love.

It's interesting how relationships differ. Someone recently asked me if they think that one should be the exact same person in every relationship setting and situation. I thought about it, almost said "yea, dude", and then realized that I don't really believe that anymore. This concept is something that I think somehow we were taught in youth group or something...the notion that we should be the same all over the place...

At the core of this, of course, it's true that the goal of our lives should be moving towards Christ's will and each individual's character should stay true and untainted by one another. However, I've seen people using this idea against others and creating guilt in someone else because he or she acts a little different around different settings of friend groups. That's just wrong...I think, for what it's worth, that it's natural and healthy to act differently [of course to what extent is a sensitive and crucial factor in this...let's be careful with that because obviously we shouldn't become different personalitys 'round different friends...that's just crazy talk].

I came to this while thinking about the variety of friends that I have. My BFF Ryan (don't tell ANYONE I used that term, even if it was jokingly) and I have a different relationship with each other than we do with others. Our conversations are not always filled with deep thought. Our conversations tend to focus on joy and experiences that we're having/have had. We relate to each other in this way. Not that we stray from other talk, it just so happens that we're pretty softspoken around each other and focus on experiencing together rather than talking about it.

My girlfriend and I are able to have a much different kind of relationship. We're not going to sit in the front seat of a car and be silent for a whole trip just because we're experiencing it together. No, we act differently around each other than we would around others. Not DRASTICALLY different, but I would say noteably.

We feed off of each other's personality traits, and they feed off of ours. I just don't see it as irrational to say that it's okay to be a little different around different people. All of this said and I still believe that, should I or Ryan want to talk about something important or deeper than normal, that opportunity is completely there, open, and not discounted. Should my babe (:]) and I want to sit in silence and just experience the changing colors of the trees while in the car, that is completely normal and not discouraged.

Obviously there are plenty of exceptions which I'm sure you'll bring up if they must be addressed :) But that's what I think about that...

In other news, skool iz harde and I'm excited to get into and finish grad. school so I can just work and do what I want! Hahaa...haa...ha.....h....anyways...love you guys, talk to ya soon

REST...

So I was thinking today about rest. It's been a huge topic in discussions about faith especially between my parents and I...and a topic of thought today as I was sitting in a pew. My mom optimistically comments very often that, "we're just trying to learn how to rest in him". This simplicity is essential in developing intimacy with the Lord, I think. It's similar to saying "I just need to love...and if I truly do this, then everything else will follow". Maybe it's even the same idea... But how true is this concept? So true...

The word -rest- can be defined in several ways:

1. refreshing quiet [...]
2. relief or freedom [...]
3. cessation or absence of motion [...]

and more...
But what I take away from this, applicable to my faith, is that there is a release of responsibility in rest. A stop to what WE are doing. A tranquility that falls in this...A submission. Submission seems to be the essence of a healthy, loving, and genuine relationship.

Then there truly is freedom in learning to rest in Him. It's an amazing concept. The root of this whole blog started when a pastor today said, "let's pray"...and as I closed my eyes...I sighed a long sigh of relief.
"Finally," I thought, "I can't wait to just release my thoughts into his presence. I can't wait to just let my mind wander in his greatness instead of the trashy stress and confusion of living here on earth."
I realized that, looking back on the past, I sigh A LOT right before I start to pray...and this is because it's SO relieving to be in His presence and to REST in Him. This all stems out of my desire to be in a great relationship with my savior and creator. I want to be closer to God. I feel the NEED and PULL for this to happen. I'm sure you feel or have felt this before, too. EVERY SINGLE DAY I get caught up in a confusion of a faith that is theologically perfect, knowledge-infused, and legalistic. But I think its much more simple than that...To find that relief in his presence I need only to seek that presence as often as possible. To sigh in his presence. To cry in his presence...to submit and give my life truly to him because of that...

So yea...moral: take a chill pill and make some time for God if you want to get closer to Him. He's not limited to time we make for him, but it sure is a good way for us to contribute in the relationship, eh?

Peek-tures

Here are some pictures...just some random stuff of my life nowadays...:)



this is one from my summer backpacking/roadtrip with Ryan...far away from anything or anyone else...


















Me and Crissie...being weird and growling...or something...












Crissie and I before last school year ended... :) ...















Me, Lainey, and Audrey! When I had an ENORMOUS beard...!









There are tons more pictures...but I'll start ya'll off with a few. Love you all,

-s.francis.k-

Re-Do...

Hey everyone...I'm awful at keeping up with writing this blog.
If you want to know about what I've gone through this summer, give me a call :) I'd be glad to let you know the different experiences and what I've learned through all of them.

Due to some recent events, I feel compelled to "start over" and begin writing about my life. I don't know if any of you still check this, but it's time that I jot down my thoughts once again. It helps me...a lot...

I'll start with with a list and then expound on each in due time. I love you all and hope you stick with me through the craziness of life, love, and excitement...

1) I'm having an incredibly hard time with my parents being gone in that "other country"...and originally I felt like no one cares to inquire about it to me. I talked to my, I guess you could call him my roommate and mentor--Damon-- and he assured me that this is not the reality. I hide my outward emotions a lot. Unless I'm asked, I rarely reveal the deeper of the hurts that I have. I consider myself very open; however, when no one approaches me about how I'm REALLY doing with my parents gone, I've felt abandoned by my friends...I suppose I don't really even want to talk necessarily about it. I just have a lot of feeling left to do with mom and dad away, and I want someone to recognize that.

2) I have an amazing, beautiful, precious girlfriend. Crissie and I started hanging out about 8 months ago...but during that time was when my parents left. I took out a lot of my pain on her and treated her opposite the way that she should have been treated. Realizing this over the summer, I tried to win her when I returned from the west coast. She possesses so much of what I desire in a woman and I had to have her. Somehow, she decided it was okay to try me out :) Stuff is amazing with Crissie and I. I love her, and that's not something I can say about any other woman (of course my mother and friends...but that's different, right? :-]). She takes care of me. Encourages and affirms me more than my big head can handle sometimes :). She's just great. Get to know her, eh?

3) I graduat college this May. What the h... Who knows what the future holds. I'm excited though. I've grown up in incredibly large and sudden ways both this summer and over this past couple years. I'm not scared, for some reason, to think about future and get started on this blessing of life.

Life is a constant struggle. But one worth going through...as long as along the way I'm absconding mediocrity...strafing away from an average existence or a "proper, perfect" life...

until next time [coming soon...]
-s.francis.k-