to un known

moving hands and digits
speak to you as words
i smile, adoring you
for you can't hear, or sing the chords
yet you touch my heart
in a deeper way
maybe it's because our Father,
through a pounding, breaking, shining heart,
is smiling, adoring
the way that you are
smiling, adoring
adoring even though you've been dealt a difficult card

and with a fluttering of hands
and eyes left open
your spirit, it stands...
spilling, "You took the fall,
and thought of me before all."
at this moment, in this minute
i understand another part of His heart
and together wonder how He,
smiling, adoring,
still chases me
when there exist those like you

On Heath and Grenades

Campus safety got grenade-launcher training this month...

this is, of course, me.

oh wait...no...none of that is true. Instead my 10pm-2am shift is almost over and I'm in the office. On the internet. Making $. Thinking that I want to write a deeper blog. But feeling bad about getting paid for doing so.

I'll leave you with this opinion of mine:

Heath Ledger...he died...he did a ton of drugs...he was a decent actor...why the hell is our country more concerned and distraught about his death than the innumerable amount of others that have suffered and died that have never even been given a second thought?

what about this: http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/01/26/airstrip.car.crash/index.html

or this: http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/africa/01/24/southafrica.violence.ap/index.html?iref=newssearch

what about the people next to us that have lost friends and family? In no way would I dishonor Mr. Ledger's life by speaking against him. But how in the world did we as a nation, humanity...mix up our priorities so much?

i'm done. :)

love ya'll (haven't said that in awhile)

-sfk-

p.s. Mom, I'm sorry for cussing...just being me

and i love you

ok bye

Return To Myself

To "pops":

What an interesting point you made in your comment, dad...

pops said...
Wow, writing music, lyrics, playing acoustic, practicing, working hard, loving life, caring for others, this sounds like my son is coming back!

To say that I'm coming back is to say that I have left for some amount of time. Oh, the legitimacy of that statement! I've not left a state of "normalcy", because as far as lifestyle and stateofbeing is concerned, I don't really think that there exists a normal. But, rather, there have been parts of me that have been lost in this past era of indescribable-ness. (Look that word up in Webster's dictionary, trust me)

Anyways, yes Dad, your son also feels like he [i] is [am] coming back. And I [he] feel [feels] great...

I decided to just do something that I've been thinking about for a long time and yet not taking action on. I think that God inspires me a lot by putting thoughts into my head about someone. I think that God probably does that to a LOT of us, but sometimes we ignore it and push it off as a random thought. In my case, I often have been feeling overwhelmed with emotion for some of these people in my thoughts and prayers. An example: one time, when I was a grill cook at Das Dutch Kitchen in Amish Country, OH (wow, what a long time ago), I was going out to the server station to refill my Sprite/Pepsi[mixed] and I saw this woman surrounded by what must have been her three kids. Her face set something off inside of me that I can barely describe. It was like I saw through everything and somehow KNEW that for a fact she was either having a horrible day, she is really depressed, or something has happened. This may not seem significant to you, but I was burdened, seriously burdened with this stranger's seeming, unconfirmed hurt.


Recently I have had several people on my mind that, when I think about the, my insides get stirred in a similar way. Now, this doesn't mean that I feel like each person I'm thinking about is hurting. Rather, I feel a need to think about them deeper and pray for them. SO...to make a super drawn out story short, I have posted a bunch of printed out pictures along my desk in my apartment to remind me of you all. To remind me to pray for you, and to remind me to think more sincerely and deeply of those that the Lord puts on my heart. So, as always, I think of all of you regularly. However, I'm trying to take action to remember to think more of and pray for those of you [them]

As for Danielle, everyone that keeps asking...

yes, Mom...we are taking it slow and I am genuinely SUPER happy and excited!
yes, Dad...i will be the leader, center ourselves on the Lord, and treat her well like a woman should be treated
yes, Justin...she is an amazing,gorgeous girl that I've been close friends with for a long time that I become lucky enough to have her say "yes" when I said, "so...will you be my...like...girlfriend" I am a nerd...she's a blessing, bro
yes, Paul and Amanda...I am really, genuinely happy right now. And thank you so much for your encouragement. Paul, you are so great man. It's been incredible getting to hang out and be your friend. and Amanda, it's great to know that there is someone who is passionate and caring for so many people and things as you are out there

I know that doesn't answer everything...but give it time, ey?


So...I'm coming back. In a way, breaking free of my[bound/trapped/limiting]self and returning to my[Godgivn/passionate/limitless]self

Hmm...returning to myself. That sounds like a great theme for a song doesn't it?


Danielle and I :)

Maybe I'll Come Up w/ Another Clever Title Some Other Day...

Looking back on this last post...I realized how much it reminded me of an excited kid...

And I'm not sorry for or about that :) Just made me laugh at the presentation of some things in that last posts...

Now here's what it reminded me of: my youngest niece, Audrey was visiting along with the rest of the girls one day over my Christmas break. The day was normal and I think I was in the kitchen with them eating some chips or something and just watching them hang out and chow at the dinner table with my parents (Mimi and Papa as they call them). Anyways, the oldest of the girls (Sarah) suddenly says to me, "Uncle Seth, listen to Audrey when she says hotdog!"

Sarah: "Audrey, say 'HAWWTDAWWWWG"

Audrey then gets this HUGE, excited smile on her face and both bashfully and proudly declares...."HOGWOG!"

Definitely funny...The comparison, though an abstract one, is the bashfulness and excited nature in which she declared her newly learned word. Ha... Don't worry though Danielle, I learned how to say the name 'Danielle'...a LOOONG time ago I'm sure!

or at least i think so...ha

Anyways...On to a new topic...

Bunches 'o' random new things happening:
$$$ I am on Campus Safety now for Spring Arbor University and it is such a great job! The Lord has blessed me so much with that job, because it will bring in just enough money...and it will fit my schedule (even though night shifts will take some of my energy away on certain days)... I appreciate the job so much and it's a huge blessing

!!! Will Rowland is back on campus! I just love that kid so much. Can't stop lovin' him either.

~~~ My best friend Ryan from home (Dalton) is seriously considering going to Seattle with me this summer! I am really excited about that. I know a lot of my friends say that it sounds great to seek solitude...but truthfully Ryan is the only one that I invited because he has such a real and strong sense of value for silence and peace in the Lord. He is great and our friendship used to be really sketchy for me...but wow has he grown in to even someone that I really look up to in my relationship with God. It would be a blessing for him to come with me, so I hope that happens

^^^All of my possessions with the exception of a few different memorabilia things that are stored at my oldest brother Justin's house are at my apartment at school now! How crazy is that? Answer: pretty crazy!

*** I'm starting to play acoustic guitar again. I vow to practice a ton and get to a point where I can actually play a few songs decently in the near future. Deal?


I'm in the middle of writing two different songs right now...Hopefully I'll finish them soon [lyrically] and I'll put them, at least one of them, on here.

I hope all of you who read this, even secretly without commenting, are doing okay. I think about all of you a whole lot and just want you to know how much I really do care for each of you, it doesn't even matter what our relationship is seemingly like...

Have a great day and talk to me, ey?

GREAT daze

Yesterday was an amazing day in more ways than one and today is going to be a great day, too. My friends C.J., Mikey V, and Nick Ev and I are going to play Lord of the Rings RISK (I never thought I would sound that nerdy)...and it's going to be GREAT! We "scheduled" six hours of our day out for this game and hope for it to be awesome!

After that some prayer with a friend, THENNNN hot tubbin later tonight at Barnes' house. How could this day get ANY better?

Well I'll tell you...if I saw this girl (okay, fine I'll just say it-- DANIELLE!! :) ) The day would actually be WAAAAAAAY greater!!! Don't worry, I'll write more on that later once I figure out what to write :)

Life is great right now, and that's a 100% honest, genuine statement from my heart right now. And it feels good.

Everyone have a great day, will ya?

sfk

what's new?

So a lot of...well I guess I can just say "really great" stuff has been happening in my life in the past couple of months.

Some things I've learned:

*unless you actually sacrifice the time and aspects of your life that you always SAY you will but never actually do, you will keep getting bogged down with life and its overloading tendencies...

*being at the lowest point in your life, providing that somehow you can hold on to your saviour's reaching hand, is actually an amazing thing

*the Ohio State Buckeyes are incredible, even though they can't seem to pull off a national championship...

*I actually DO know what things are most important to me, and it boggles my mind that I don't concentrate more on these people and things rather than crap that, honestly, has no lasting significance
Those things that I value and realized I need to spend more time on: my brothers, my mom and dad, my friends, my mind, and NO DOUBT my intimacy with the Lord

*why NOT be crazy and live a little?

*smoking REAAAALLLY decreases your lungs' Oxygen capacity...

*and much, much more.

Over Christmas break, I had a very hard time saying goodbye to my parents. Though I'll see them probably a couple more times before they take off the the Chinaland, my dad always seems to get me. Once again we just stood up and hugged each other and cried for several minutes [it is such a rare and valued occasion to cry...I don't know if I've written about this before...but it is such a blessing to be able to cry once in awhile. And truthfully, I get really pissed off when I am going through something and have tons of thoughts just FLYING around in my head and I can't let any of it out in any way...anyways...maybe I'll write a song about it, ey?]...This time when we hugged (as opposed to last time before the Fall '07 semester started) I, for some reason started thinking about all of these memories that I've shared with my dad and it was overwhelming that, well...reality is now saying to me that "Seth, it really is a good time for you to break out of that cage, you know?"...

I couldn't stop thinking about all of the times that he's called me "bud" and that in him saying that three letter word I got to see, practically every single time, that he loves me so much. I remember, dad, all of the times that you've coached me with baseball and come to my games. I remember our "puberty" trip with the Dr. James Dobson (hahaha) tapes. and us catching no fish, but seeing the praying mantis in the parking lot and just spending time with you was so great. I still remember playing alligator with you in our many different living room's and drinking a Killian's with you and thinking it was GROSS!
my dad is the one in the front with the huge white beard, and I am right next to him with sunglasses and a redbeard!

You see, my parents, OHHHHH and my mom included believe me, have been the biggest blessing in my life. Thank you guys so much. I'm sorry for being so sentimental right now...but honestly I could go on and on and on. You mean so much to me and it's awesome to be able to now say "I'm proud of you guys and what you're doing" I couldn't be more pumped for you two to go over there and obey the Lord like you are. And I try to pray for you both to receive larger amounts of money, and confidence, and courage, and peace every time that I pray.

anyways...I'm in the library right now and this writing is making me tear up and, of course we can't have that. I mean come on, I am in a hardcore band and after all, I have a full, large red beard :) So we can't have that in public. (of course i'm just kidding)...but seriously :)

Life is great right now. Everything seems to be going well. And there's no way that I will confess anything negative right now because, well...Satan just does NOT deserve it.

I will start writing more on my blog now...no worries...so keep up because some chains are about to be broken!

New Year, New Outlook (lookingup)

There is so much to look forward to in the next year
So much up in the air
So much that I'm dredding (hmm...not sure if that's spelled right but I don't care :I)
So much fun ahead of me
So much opportunity
So much potential
So much NEW YEAR that I can finally, prayerfully and hopefully, use wisely and diligently to honor my Saviour and rest in His peace and joy!

that's what I'm talkin' bout

i'll write more on this later....but let's be honest, it's 2:21 am and I'm ready for sleep

Thank you Lord for all of your blessings as they continually, though I intentionally blind myself from them sometimes, fill my life. Words cannot express enough of my thankfulness, but hopefully obedience and the building up of good character can.
cristus victor

:.sfk.:

Roller Coaster

Isn't it crazy how much of a roller coaster ride each aspect of our life can be?

I'm hoping...praying...that somehow the Lord will show me another bit of grace so that where I'm at, will be the bottoming out of my ride.

I won't be returning to "normal". I'll be changing myself and learning from what I've done. That, I think, is what I am supposed to do when this all starts to dissipate. Thank you all for any encouragement that you've shown me.

haze

i can't remember the last time in the past month when I felt more in a haze
maybe its the medicine I'm on
or maybe I need to get my act together

Oh god, Oh god
I just deceived
this LOvE for me
what keeps me safe
what keeps me clean

and are my prayers worth nothing?
(you're looking straight at me)
do they go to waste?
(and offer your hand)
are you still reaching for me?
(but my arms are busy)
((am i still in your grace?))

Oh man, Oh man
if i just believed
your LOvE for me
what keeps me strong
what holds my peace
there's this feeling i'm getting
and its tangling my nerves
that maybe, oh just maybe........

you'd take back this mangled heart for one more time and move me........

oh hear my cry though its nothing
(its gotta be worth something)
don't let it go to waste
(i beg you to hear)
please take me by the hand
(my hands are free)
and let me see your face