Anotha Update!

I figure that I may as well give a life update to ya'll while I'm on blogger right now...

My plane tickets just came in for my Christmas trip to Chi_a!!! I'm heading over there for 2 weeks during my Christmas break to see mom and dad and I'm really excited. I'm also really looking forward to Thanksgiving! Justin and Beth and the girls decided to stay in Ohio for this Thanksgiving and I'm ever so thankful. Crissie and I were going to come home for a day or so anyways during Thanksgiving break, to see Chris, Laura, and Maddie. Now Justin's fam. will be here too so ya can't beat that! I love my brothers so much. With my parents away in "that country way over there", they mean much more than I can ever express to each of them. To be able to spend Thanksgiving with them will be an enormous blessing. I am thankful for my family. I've been blessed with an amazing one, despite distances apart from each other.

School is crazy right now. I try to load the middle of my day up with as much as I possibly can so that I don't get stressed out. This rarely works, but the end of the semester is inevitably nearing...this is both good and bad as I have a ton of work to finish before the end.

All is well. This weekend, Damon (chief of staff, Spring Arbor University--we [ me + six other dudes] live in his big house) is taking us to Indianapolis for a night and a day. We'll stay in the Indy WESTIN 4-star hotel, dine finely at the best restaurants that are offered there, see the new bond movie somewhere, hang out, and have an AMAZING time of fellowship. I went with the house last year, too, and it was such a great time! We leave Friday at 3pm and don't get back till around 9:30 or 10pm on Saturday, when we will be having a guys poker night!

Love ya'll...

I would just like to point out that this picture is of ME PINNING JUSTIN in West Virginia. It's proof bro. You may have had a couple more drinks than me, but fair and square I kicked yer @$$. :) Just thought everyone should see this. And once more, I am stronger than Justin King.(haha, just kidding....but seriously I am)

On Being Saved thru Faith...

Looking through some more of John Piper's video's, I simply can't get enough. This man is annointed. I can see it on him. I can feel it when I listen to a freaking online video. Here's another video about why God chose for us to be saved through faith. SO good. I pray and hope that all who watch this will be blessed and convicted as I am. If you don't agree with this stuff. I'm sorry :) and I love you :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBYsWwk2410

Click above link to watch video...
sfk

Prosperity Gospel...

Here's a video from a sermon from John Piper. John Piper is the Pastor for Preaching at Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I don't know much about him besides that he schooled at Fuller Theological Seminary and the University of Munich. I do think this video is crazy convicting and that there is a lot of truth in it. I'll warn you that at times it is intense...but I'd say worth it. He is briefly talking passionately about what has been grown to be called the prosperity gospel-telling people that all events and life will be completely better and okay if you just start a relationship with our Lord. But I think as we all know, there is suffering that takes place in our lives. There are hardships. Painful situations. Bad health. Financial struggle. Health and wealth are incredible blessings. The Lord uses each of these, whether its financial abundance or healing in his name or just a clean bill of health for someone who hasn't experienced much sickness. This all is AMAZING and the Lord uses prosperity no doubt. But to tell someone, especially in a third world environment, that earthly prosperity is what they'll inherit upon calling on Jesus' name--we need to stay away from this. I can't say it well, but I think that Piper has a great outlook on this topic and I think you should watch this video...
love ya'll...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTc_FoELt8s

Click the above link to see video by John Piper.

A Beautiful Day...

Today outside is beautiful. Truthfully, it's been like this for several days now and gone by relatively unnoticed by me...and what a pity it is to let beauty go unnoticed!

As I type this I'm sitting on my house's front porch watching people go by on walks and watching the bright yellow and orange leaves blow in the wind. It sounds like a magical place putting the scenery into words, and to be at all honest, it is a little magical.

How do I get so caught up in my selfish desire to be concerned about stressful work, homework, and whatever else--that I would miss such a display of God's creation? I don't know, but today, as I write this, I simply am saying [and thinking], "Thank You, God!"...
I think that sometimes God makes days like this happen in order to tell some of us, "lighten up, will ya?" Lay the stuff you're worried about at my feet and enjoy me! Do what you need to get done and look out there at what I'm doing and what I've made...it's for you! and for me! Enjoy it!...

Haha...what a good day. I hope that a slice of the joy that I've come to understand today will pass onto you. Here are some pictures to smile at in case it doesn't :)

All i have...

SAU's chapel speaker today was some guy with an impressive track record of teaching and presiding over seminaries and universities. Most of what he said seemed OK but that at best. And then he quoted a woman, dying when she said, "I'm the  best I've been in my whole life." He asked why and she replied that, "Jesus can't be all I need unless He's all I have." 

That is truth.

I'm always telling myself that complete submission to Him is 'where it's at'...But I rarely arrive at a place in life where I can find that all I want and all I need is Jesus' presence. I think hearing that quote this morning made me realize how much I want more of a DESIRE for the Lord and all that comes with him. I've been in places where all I have is Jesus...where he's the only thing I feel safe thinking about...the only thing that could possibly save me from the situation I'm in...the only presence that can take away my twirling hurts and emotions...I've been there and it's an amazing step to be on with Him. I want that more. I want it all the time. He has to be all I have. "All I have" seems confusing...but speaking abstractly to have Jesus be all I have doesn't always mean becoming a vagabonds and punching myself in the face. I can get to that place by proclaiming...recognizing coherently and out loud even...that nothing satisifies and cares for me more than he does. I can get there by actually living dead to my desires. All that matters is the Lord's presence, wrapped and nuzzled around me, guiding me to LOVE. That's all I want to have. Because once I get there, my relationships will change. I'll have even MORE to give out to the amazing people in my life: my girlfriend, my parents, my roommates, my unknown and unmet people that he wants to use me for...

Obviously I have SO many things. I'm not saying give them up. I'm just saying that we need to live in the fact that God is the only presence that could possibly fulfill us completely.

That's about it today...hopefully some of this made sense :)

~General King~ (inside joke...prophecy...whatever you wanna call it..ask me about it later :])

Thoughts on acting "different"

So this weekend was amazing.
I got to see some family that I haven't seen in SUCH a long time.
I got to see a best friend of mine's new living environment in Georgia.
I got to hang out with people I love.

It's interesting how relationships differ. Someone recently asked me if they think that one should be the exact same person in every relationship setting and situation. I thought about it, almost said "yea, dude", and then realized that I don't really believe that anymore. This concept is something that I think somehow we were taught in youth group or something...the notion that we should be the same all over the place...

At the core of this, of course, it's true that the goal of our lives should be moving towards Christ's will and each individual's character should stay true and untainted by one another. However, I've seen people using this idea against others and creating guilt in someone else because he or she acts a little different around different settings of friend groups. That's just wrong...I think, for what it's worth, that it's natural and healthy to act differently [of course to what extent is a sensitive and crucial factor in this...let's be careful with that because obviously we shouldn't become different personalitys 'round different friends...that's just crazy talk].

I came to this while thinking about the variety of friends that I have. My BFF Ryan (don't tell ANYONE I used that term, even if it was jokingly) and I have a different relationship with each other than we do with others. Our conversations are not always filled with deep thought. Our conversations tend to focus on joy and experiences that we're having/have had. We relate to each other in this way. Not that we stray from other talk, it just so happens that we're pretty softspoken around each other and focus on experiencing together rather than talking about it.

My girlfriend and I are able to have a much different kind of relationship. We're not going to sit in the front seat of a car and be silent for a whole trip just because we're experiencing it together. No, we act differently around each other than we would around others. Not DRASTICALLY different, but I would say noteably.

We feed off of each other's personality traits, and they feed off of ours. I just don't see it as irrational to say that it's okay to be a little different around different people. All of this said and I still believe that, should I or Ryan want to talk about something important or deeper than normal, that opportunity is completely there, open, and not discounted. Should my babe (:]) and I want to sit in silence and just experience the changing colors of the trees while in the car, that is completely normal and not discouraged.

Obviously there are plenty of exceptions which I'm sure you'll bring up if they must be addressed :) But that's what I think about that...

In other news, skool iz harde and I'm excited to get into and finish grad. school so I can just work and do what I want! Hahaa...haa...ha.....h....anyways...love you guys, talk to ya soon

REST...

So I was thinking today about rest. It's been a huge topic in discussions about faith especially between my parents and I...and a topic of thought today as I was sitting in a pew. My mom optimistically comments very often that, "we're just trying to learn how to rest in him". This simplicity is essential in developing intimacy with the Lord, I think. It's similar to saying "I just need to love...and if I truly do this, then everything else will follow". Maybe it's even the same idea... But how true is this concept? So true...

The word -rest- can be defined in several ways:

1. refreshing quiet [...]
2. relief or freedom [...]
3. cessation or absence of motion [...]

and more...
But what I take away from this, applicable to my faith, is that there is a release of responsibility in rest. A stop to what WE are doing. A tranquility that falls in this...A submission. Submission seems to be the essence of a healthy, loving, and genuine relationship.

Then there truly is freedom in learning to rest in Him. It's an amazing concept. The root of this whole blog started when a pastor today said, "let's pray"...and as I closed my eyes...I sighed a long sigh of relief.
"Finally," I thought, "I can't wait to just release my thoughts into his presence. I can't wait to just let my mind wander in his greatness instead of the trashy stress and confusion of living here on earth."
I realized that, looking back on the past, I sigh A LOT right before I start to pray...and this is because it's SO relieving to be in His presence and to REST in Him. This all stems out of my desire to be in a great relationship with my savior and creator. I want to be closer to God. I feel the NEED and PULL for this to happen. I'm sure you feel or have felt this before, too. EVERY SINGLE DAY I get caught up in a confusion of a faith that is theologically perfect, knowledge-infused, and legalistic. But I think its much more simple than that...To find that relief in his presence I need only to seek that presence as often as possible. To sigh in his presence. To cry in his presence...to submit and give my life truly to him because of that...

So yea...moral: take a chill pill and make some time for God if you want to get closer to Him. He's not limited to time we make for him, but it sure is a good way for us to contribute in the relationship, eh?

Peek-tures

Here are some pictures...just some random stuff of my life nowadays...:)



this is one from my summer backpacking/roadtrip with Ryan...far away from anything or anyone else...


















Me and Crissie...being weird and growling...or something...












Crissie and I before last school year ended... :) ...















Me, Lainey, and Audrey! When I had an ENORMOUS beard...!









There are tons more pictures...but I'll start ya'll off with a few. Love you all,

-s.francis.k-

Re-Do...

Hey everyone...I'm awful at keeping up with writing this blog.
If you want to know about what I've gone through this summer, give me a call :) I'd be glad to let you know the different experiences and what I've learned through all of them.

Due to some recent events, I feel compelled to "start over" and begin writing about my life. I don't know if any of you still check this, but it's time that I jot down my thoughts once again. It helps me...a lot...

I'll start with with a list and then expound on each in due time. I love you all and hope you stick with me through the craziness of life, love, and excitement...

1) I'm having an incredibly hard time with my parents being gone in that "other country"...and originally I felt like no one cares to inquire about it to me. I talked to my, I guess you could call him my roommate and mentor--Damon-- and he assured me that this is not the reality. I hide my outward emotions a lot. Unless I'm asked, I rarely reveal the deeper of the hurts that I have. I consider myself very open; however, when no one approaches me about how I'm REALLY doing with my parents gone, I've felt abandoned by my friends...I suppose I don't really even want to talk necessarily about it. I just have a lot of feeling left to do with mom and dad away, and I want someone to recognize that.

2) I have an amazing, beautiful, precious girlfriend. Crissie and I started hanging out about 8 months ago...but during that time was when my parents left. I took out a lot of my pain on her and treated her opposite the way that she should have been treated. Realizing this over the summer, I tried to win her when I returned from the west coast. She possesses so much of what I desire in a woman and I had to have her. Somehow, she decided it was okay to try me out :) Stuff is amazing with Crissie and I. I love her, and that's not something I can say about any other woman (of course my mother and friends...but that's different, right? :-]). She takes care of me. Encourages and affirms me more than my big head can handle sometimes :). She's just great. Get to know her, eh?

3) I graduat college this May. What the h... Who knows what the future holds. I'm excited though. I've grown up in incredibly large and sudden ways both this summer and over this past couple years. I'm not scared, for some reason, to think about future and get started on this blessing of life.

Life is a constant struggle. But one worth going through...as long as along the way I'm absconding mediocrity...strafing away from an average existence or a "proper, perfect" life...

until next time [coming soon...]
-s.francis.k-

So That Was Seattle?!?

The Next Few Days...

Day #4
Wednesday, May 21st, 2008
11:58a.m.

"Last night was the craziest, and probably most intense nights of my entire life...in all seriousness. Brock never called us back, so we were left with no options for a home...completely and legitimately homeless. We eventually and sluggishly found our "spot" after trespassing onto Railroad property. We hopped a fence and found ourselves in a small bike path park, in it's wooded area (I use wooded loosely), just before closing time around 11pm. We settled in behind and underneath a somewhat dense bush (so we thought) in order to hide Ryan's bright orange sleeping bag. Knowing that we could get in big trouble for sleeping here we tried to be as quiet and sly as possible. My freaking heart beat fast and hard the ENTIRE night it seemed. Not 15 feet away, through the fence, trains started rolling in...from about 11:45pm to 2:00am. If they were looking, they had to have seen us...even though we were well-concealed from the bike/jogging path! At one point, Ryan motioned me "shhhh!" as a RR worker walked RIGHT by us with a flashlight, probably on his way to switch tracks for the arriving train. I have never heard more aweful, loud noises before what I heard last night. I was covered so I didn't see what the noises were, but wow were they loud! Another aspect of the night were the rats and raccoons. THey scurried everywhere around us all through the night, making it SO uncomfortable to try and sleep...They came within 1 foot of us sometimes.

I miss my parents...a lot. I just said to Ryan, "Dude, my parents move to China in 4 days." That's so hard to accept. I can hardly take thinking about how much I'll miss them.

7ish pm...
We've been walking since about 6:30am and awake since 3am. It seems like we'll never find ourselves a place to stay. THere is one place that seems promising, but who knows...I'm trying to Trust the Lord to provide, but wondering so often how the "heck" I got out here and what my purpose for this trip really was [is]. I ust hope God will drop some peace and comfort into our laps. Please, God...please. The highest calorie food that we've had so far is this Hershey's chocolate bar that we just finished together a couple of minutes ago. What an adventure...

11:23pm
Today was incredibly exhausting...I am too tired to write more. But I'll fill the next few pages with today's until tomorwejkj......"

Just an update...Everyone remember that this is not my CURRENT journal, but what I kept while I was in Seattle and Cali. There are just some cool things that I went through and wanted to share with ya'll...

By the way, I later found out that Ryan was "protecting" me by not telling me how many rats really approached him on his side during the night...About 7 or 8....oh wow....I thanked him...I guess:)

Finally there....

Day#3
Tuesday, May 20th 2008
9:30 a.m.

"I didn't sleep as well on the train this past night...this trip, as far as the functionality of it all by AmTrak, has been and is a disaster. I think we've lost a total of 4 or 5 engines so far, meaning that our average speed has had to be something like 45mph. Right now the train tenants are literally running down the aisles trying to sort things out; I think they, either intentionally or unintentionally, left 2 of the tenants back @ the last stop.

[...]
Last night as I slept (or tried), everytime we made a stop, more people left and boarded...Secretly and silently each time I woke up wishing and praying that no one would be assigned next to me, because my seatmate got off around 9:00 last night and I had both seats to myself...
[...]

A conviction came to me yesterday when not being able to handle a woman's physical condition as I watched her struggle to just walk. The way that she walked and looked absolutely for some reason shook me and unsettled my heart. I felt the Lord tell me this: NEVER TAKE JOY IN SOME ELSE'S MISFORTUNE...NEVER.

9:30p.m
Both Ryan and I are wondering why the ___ we decided to be this crazy. We're both still really excited, but wow are we scared. We tryed Ryan's alcohol stove at a park near the bay, but it was way too windy so we trekked a bit inland (OH YEA!!! We're in Seattle!!!) We walked past a loud group of "people" within our first 2 miles from the train station and I have to say that reality hit me and I said to Ryan, "We're in a whole new and different type of city now, bro!"...

It's 9:34 now and we freaking don't have a place to stay in Seattle. We're sitting in a city park about the width of a building, and since there is light we decided to journal...on a different note, we're waiting around because when we called Brock the first time he said, "it's cool! We'll have a few drinks and chill!" But now, against all that I had hoped for, he is "not picking up". Hopefully he'll call back...We really really hope so. If not...well...hopefully the cops won't pick us two homeless dudes up and jail us [not that that would really even be a horrible option right now because it's starting to sprinkle]...
If I thought for one second that this trip would be relaxing and stress-free, I take it back. The adventure has begun, we're scared ___less in a huge city, we're pumped for what lies ahead, and we're hopefully for many, many different things. Oh yeah, and we had our first hot meal since Sunday morning--oatmeal--and wow was is ever so good. Please Lord, protect us. Keep us humble but safe. Reveal yourself to me. Send your glory & favor. Help..."

En el Tren...

Day #2
Monday, May 19th 2008
7:30a.m....

"Tuna has probably never tasted as good a it did last night. Our dinner was a can of tuna each and to each a protein bar. Our experience already to me, seems so raw and exciting. I simply cannot imagine what it will be like once we're OFF the train and living it up in Seattle, WA.
[In recent news, the old lady who seemed insensitive @ the beginning of our ride seems to actually have one of those symptoms of Parkinson's disease (or something else) where her head is constantly shaking, telling everybody "NO" by shaking side-to-side...so yea...oops...I guess it wasn't directed as bitterly towards us as I originally thought]

8:00 a.m.
Today is kind of my first day of this journey for intimacy--encompassing intimacy with the Lord and peace/rest with myself--I woke up and read Psalm 18 like my mom previously told me to read, then I continued with Chapter 3 of Luke. I pray that God would just please reveal himself to me in a crazy way this summer. With the noise of people groggily awaking and having "goodmorning" conversations with their significant other on the phone, it's hard to obtain solitude here on el tren. Nevertheless, I expect the Lord to show up in new ways when I do find that silence somewhere. One thing interesting from Luke 3 "Jesus was thirty years old when he began his ministry"..this phrase comes right after he is baptised in the Holy Spirit. This confirmed in my spirit the song phrase, "Fill us up, and send us out" for me. We need to be filled, to have power if we want effective ministry.

9:30 a.m.
I'm now sitting out in a lounge area on the train. My seat is facing the window. Secretly I wish that it would storm so that I can be out here to look up into it. We just arrived in Rugby, North Dakota...not very impressive; however, @ the same time so unique and awesome. It's just one of the town along our way that looks like it has about 10 buildings and thousands of visible miles and rolling hills...there is a certain peace that is, I think, inherently released when we experience nature; more specifically, even, when we are @ least mostly void of schedule, exceeding amounts of possessions, and critical responsibility.

There is a couple, both about 65-72 years old in the corner...they are snuggling beneath a blanket. And thus my spirit is drawn again to the elderly. I'll never know why they touch me at such a deep level I don't think...
So many conversations surrounding me right now...So many unique, individual lives. How did our creator ever design & comprehend such complexity and diversity?"

The answer to that last question, as God later revealed to me: He has an incredible, a beautiful, a magnificent imagination. And he is love. That's how he thought up such a thing as this...

In The Beginning

Day #1
Sunday, May 18th 2008

"We only got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep. What a crazy few weeks this has been...

Last night I broke down and just cried for 20 minutes. It's real now. I'm on a train to Seattle and Mom & Dad are moving to China in 1 week. Growing up could not have come more suddenly and simultaneously. Yet at the same time, I could not and probably have never been as excited as I am right now.

THE TRAIN...

My perspective changed on older people today. Indefinitely we should respect our elders; however, to love everyone recklessly and equally seems more accurate to some ideal of a state of "correctness"... All this venting sparked from a grumpy older woman that, when Ryan and I didn't see her behind us is the aisle said in an insistent or [obvious] tone "Yeeeeah...Hummmph!" when we finally noticed her and moved out of her way. I suppose what I actually realized is that NOT ALL OLD PEOPLE are sweet, innocent, and helpless...

I sit next to a 1-year-out-of-college theatre major named Tyler. He's really cool and went to Nebraska Wesleyan College. Maybe the Lord will bring opportunity in this short-lived relationship.

Ryan and I met a girl named 'Lily'. I first noticed her in line for our train back in Chicago because she was carrying what looked like a wooden spear. It turns out that Lily is carrying a well crafted longbow. She goes to some wilderness school in Albany, NY and is on her way out to the Olympic Mountains to do a "survival period". She's only taking a knife, her longbow, and several other items in her backpack. Lily taught Ryan & I how to make, essentially, rope out of the inner bark of a plant called dogbane (?!):
(1) Buffing period- to remove external bark. Methods: rolling in palm; segment twisting
(2) Seperate the buffed, slightly adhered strands into two sections.
(3) Make an -X- out of those strands...Twist to the right; lay over bottom strand; REPEAT

*I'm already craving a steak dinner, and it's the first day still. The powerbar and half-can of tuna will be well worth the wait..."

A New Start...

So I'm back...and with many crazy and amazing stories to tell.
All in all, I spent 54 days across the range of my time spent in Washington and California.
I've truly grown in incredibly amounts through this trip, but I'll tell you right now that it was not without a cost. As I read The Shack (I recommend this book to anyone and EVERYONE) this summer, I was able to come to somewhat of an understanding that more than not, God wants to take us through an experience and work with us to bring about change. Applying personally to me, the Lord met me in different situations that I felt like I almost was supposed to brought into in order to come to an understanding of what God wanted me to learn. This may all seem abstract, but I assure you that this summer has brought about important decisions, understandings, and changes in my life.

I want to share with any of you that may be still keeping with me some of my journal from this adventure of mine. Both Ryan and I kept a journal every day of this trip with maybe 2 or 3 exceptions, and for the next couple of weeks or so I will be posting different entries from my journal so that any joy or wisdom or comedy that I've experienced can in some way be passed on to you...

There are a great deal of personal things that were written in my journal that I will NOT include on here, but I think there is still enough material that can be shared that will be enjoyable.

So please, share what you think about some of the things, hopefully some of it will be a benefit. After most of my thoughts have been processed and put out there, I'll start actually blogging again...

So here goes...day number one coming up...

An Update...

So I don't have an enormous beard anymore. It's gone. Buzzed it. Cut it off...you get the point!

A whole lot of new things are happening. Thanks to the Lord, I sold my car to a friend without any effort at all. I was so worried that it was going to be incredibly difficult to start this "simplistic living" ideal...and then the first person that I asked [even a little bit facetiously I might add] was interested and we signed the title over last week! Thank the Lord....He is so good.

God is working in new ways in my life, too. He's showing up more real than ever in prayer...in my solitude...in my thoughts. He's even making the weather a little bit warmer outside to lighten the mood :)

My parents still aren't gone and you would think that's driving me crazy but....wait....no, it is driving me crazy...haha....i love you mom and dad, but just let me start missing you already will ya? 

Plans for Seattle are still in the making. Even though nothing at all is really ironed out yet, I know that Ryan and I are going to have an incredible summer!

Lot's more to come...just as soon as I'm done being attacked and having my time taken away from me by the evil one (Ssssatan! as we used to say in youth group)....

love,

s.francis.k

Ridiculous...that's what it is...

something I wrote for my cross cultural orientation class recently...we were supposed to respond with a couple descriptive paragraphs about an article involving Chicago and Religion (this is one of 5 online post assignments about various topics)...annnnd I may or may not have got a little carried away:) that's passion I guess, right? :)

I wrote this after reading an article about a church called the House of Hope in Chicago that seats 10,000 and costed over 53 million dollars to construct...

"Firstly, it's appropriate to start off with a summary of the article's content. The fifty million dollar "House of Hope", home to Chicago's Salem Baptist Church, can seat 10,000 people! Quoted stating, "In order for the world to see how big God is, the world is going to have see God's people doing God-sized things.", Salem's senior pastor James Meeks desires for this "House of Hope" to genuinely be a place in which people can find hope and protection from life's complexity. The Church's 203,000 square-foot, three-floor facility contains three regulation sized basketball courts, a drive-thru ticket box window, locker rooms, two 19'x11' projector screens and a 1.4 million dollar sound system. According to Meeks, "It's about rebuilding life, and rebuilding communities."

Practically bursting at my seems as I read this article, I cannot disagree more with a church of this magnitude. How can there be a justified way to spend almost one and one half million dollars on a sound system? How can fifty million dollars be spent on developing and constructing a building in Jesus' name? I believe that this church is an example of the lie that some modern culture has began to believe that somehow the building and draw of a church is as important as its purpose. What happened to the simplicity bled by Jesus that called for us to pray to heal others in Jesus' name, to go out to the people and share the Gospel, and to depend on the power of God Almighty to bring those opportunities into our lives? I'm sorry, but for people to see how big our Lord is, they need not be presented with unnecessary attraction to a facility. Hasn't God the Father showed up as only a whisper? I want to suggest that the God-sized things needed to show the nation God's majesty that Meeks presents are not consisted of buildings and a great worship band; rather, God wishes to show His glory to the world through us, his people that he's imparted the Holy Spirit onto for guidance and conviction.
In saying all of this, I must concede in some way by saying that the conviction of this church to draw a massive community together and crown Christ as Lord over all of them is amazing. The way that they will be used in the future in bringing people together for a united purpose is so incredibly honorable. My opinion remains that, the amount of money put into this church makes me cringe because how else could even thirty or forty million dollars of that been used to save lives? Meeks says that its all about rebuilding life and rebuilding community. I say that this church could have rebuilt life in other suffering nations, in OUR nation by not spending its money on so many unnecessary aspects of a ridiculously-sized BUILDING and giving it away. I say that its all about sensitivity to the Holy Spirit and surrender of our lives to God's purpose.
I have asked many questions within my article review, but I will pose one more: Is not the church US as a community together going forth on God's prompting, rather than a building to bring others into our way of life?"

Update 563

So I've been SOOOOO incredibly busy lately...

Life is going so incredibly well I can't even put a measure on it. If I had to put it as a phrase, though, it would probably be something like "stressedtothemaxbuttheLordholdsmeadoringmeandblessestheheckoutame"

:)

Coming soon...something I learned in Church the other week

Normally when I go to "church" I learn something completely unrelated to what the pastor is talking about...so you just wait and see!

All I know...

Your faithfullness endures always Where mountains fall and reason fails And You calm the raging seas And You calm the storms in me, again  

All I know is I find rest in You 

All I know is I find rest in You

-Rest In You-

Hillsong United

A Love[ing] Realization...

Spring Break was pretty dang good.

I actually spent (i feel this way at least...sometimes my mom throws in during a conversation something like "I feel like we've barely seen you since you've been home"...And then she kind of laughs a little tiny bit so as not to be sharp about it but to bring to attention that our time is a little limited so WHY AM I NOT SEEING THEM THAT MUCH. haha. She's normally right, but not always :) This time she didn't have to say that though) a considerable amount of break with my mom and dad. On Sunday our entire family went to a HUGE indoor waterpark and I had a blast with all of my nieces. 

...there's just something about my niece Lainey grabbing onto my neck for her dear little life when the huge waves from the wavepool came crawling towards us...made all of the exhaustion from phrases like "Uncle Seth! come to the slide with me! Uncle Seth! Uncle Seth? Wave pool? Uncle Seth?!" completely worth it and fine...My nieces, I've said this before, are such a huge blessing to me!

I spent the rest of break either talking with my parents or hanging out with friends from Ohio. It's always really meaningful to me to be able to see all of my friends among the different friend groups that I have; and I think that is why I let myself get stressed, because its worth it to be able to see each one. (Obviously there were definitely some that I missed out on, which is sad...but I made my rounds)

On Monday morning before I left to drive back to school with Austin, I had a very strong and significant realization about my parents and why I completely excited and supportive of them, but at the same time, really struggling with the anticipation and reality of them being gone for such a long time...

They were praying for me for all sorts of things before Austin and I took off. I was sitting in that chair, listening--agreeing--with the prayers that were lifted up and analyzing like I tend to do fairly often...and I realized why I possess such strong emotion about them. 

I realized this: my parents love me more than anyone other [person...human] loves me on this earth. I hear it in their prayers over me whenever we pray. I see it looking back on their disciplining me and sharing wisdom with me over the years. Such an amazing thing was it to realize that in that moment...to realize at least a glance of how they love me.  Their care for me...and actually now that I think about it, for those in the culture they're about to immerse themselves in and most people around me.... seeps out from them. I could go into more detail, but I think I'll keep that to myself. I just really wanted to share that with whoever is reading this right now. That my PARENTS love for me is overwhelming when I actually can catch a glimpse of its truth and reality. 

In the bible there are many verses that attempt to describe God's (the father) personality a little bit. IN doing this, there are several verses that end with "[...] and so how much more will the Lord God reward you" or "[...] how much more, then, does your heavenly Father love you"

This became at least partially evident to me this Spring Break. My parents' love for me is incredible and seemingly unconditional even. How much more does God, my creator, savior...desire me and love and care and seek after me? SO much more...we should all keep that in mind. 

The person that you feel loved by the most in this world does not possess even a tiny fraction of the amount of care and love that our God has for us... Believe it. Because this is true.

and if that's not encouraging to know then I don't know what is.

Love ya'll...

sfk

I just thought I would try this out....except...from now on I'm only going to post a video blog if I have something to actually say. How about that, eh? 

Love ya'll

sfk

Give Money To The Least of These...Stop Buying Unnecessary _____ ____

"Society, you're a crazy breed[...]"

-Vedder-

I've been thinking a lot lately about some new things...lots of things

-why, if as one of my dear friends pointed out to me that a soundboard that a church in our local area uses costs between 150,000 and 300,000 US Dollars...um...why are churches spending money on these things? How in the world is THAT being the church...don't even get me started on this one...

-how can this traditional religion that I've been used to for all of my life up to the past year be living for a God that sent a part of himself to die for me? Looking back on journal entries, even some of the recent past, time and time again I see entries that I vaguely remember but have taken no action on the inside provided to me then by the Lord. Yet I see some of my peers taking action. Praying as they feel the Holy Spirit leads them. Praying for healing..for peace...for deliverance...

I think I'll join them. Yes. Yes I will. This is clearly a strong desire that has been put on my heart recently and I'm going to follow it.

--just to name a few--

My parents are leaving soon. They have blessed me so much in an incredible array of ways. But again, I pray that they'll actually get to leave by when they want to. I can't imagine what it's going to be like for them over there for this next portion of their life. I can't imagine what it's going to be like for me over here for this next portion of my life. The Lord is taking care of everything, this I know. Everything...

much is still fresh on my mind. more to come soon ya'll. God Bless

sfk

Beard Progress

So this is where I'm at with the beard right now...

 (1) crazy then (2) normal ...

Akourdantz...

Romans 8:1-8 [NIV]

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God."

Romans 8:1-8 [NIV]

This is just some stuff that I was reading the other day that truly spoke to me.  I guess I'd just like to share some of the stuff that resonated inside of me after meditating a little bit on these verses...

Firstly, it seems that God has been constantly throwing me insight about forgiveness and His grace. It is something that I will never understand. However, as much as I try to claim forgiveness and freedom, a lot of the times there is a deeper part of me that just doesn't agree with the reality of it...and so I pray. I pray that the Lord will somehow teach me and reveal to me the truth, being that He seriously, genuinely, and unconditionally loves me and forgives me each time I pursue love with Him by asking forgiveness and living apart from sin. 

The first verse of this section flat out states: "There is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus [...]" (emphasis added). This is a theme that not only God reveals to me but has revealed to the authors of much of the New Testament, so we need to accept its truth. I need to learn from this that, WOW!, I am "in" Christ Jesus...and therefore all of this guilt and agony I sometimes go through must be [IS] a lie from the enemy.

accordance                  n.

    1.  Agreement; conformity

    2.  The act of granting.

Why do I, when making a decision/doing an action, do what I hate and not what I love? This is the train of thought that everyone must have had at some point in his or her life, right? I see all of the things that I do that I hate directly as "what nature desires". I experience this so much, to the extent that much of the time I completely do not realize then when I am living "according" to that sinful, human nature, it means that I am agreeing, GRANTING sin the passwords to control over me! 

It says that the mind of the man with sinful nature controlling is DEATH; whereas, the mind of the man led by the Spirit isn't just LIFE, it's LIFE AND PEACE. I don't know about you, but I can't think of what I wouldn't give to obtain control over the chaos and confusion within my mind and experience and express life through my actions and have peace over my mind. So here is an alternative given, a choice that we should be making. The alternative as presented: live in "accordance" with the Holy Spirit. 

Does that mean that I have to agree that the Holy Spirit is real?  Yep

Does that mean that I have to conform to examples that the Lord has shown us?  Yep

Does that mean that I have to grant the Holy Spirit access to my thoughts and be open to the fact that He may be more real than I ever thought...that His presence may use me above and beyond expectations I've ever had?     Heck yep! (ha...that sounds awkward, doesn't it?)

Later in chapter 8 of Romans... "if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you." (v. 11)

So yea...my thoughts on that :)

Give up and away to Him...

When?
...will I just give up this stubbornness,

idiocracy, these thoughts down, angry, not content with anything, unjoy


these shields that just don't hold up...



and leave control of my life to some bigger hands than mine
i mean my hands are callused and pretty strong...but they just screw everything up...

so yea...

and here are a couple lovely pictures to complete my thoughts:

Great Lyrics....

there could be nothing after this
-=underoath=-

In the end we tend to think of how it began
I could never explain the picture it painted, and how it made me feel
Now the ceiling is in motion
The light centered and overlooked
You want to see me disappear? Well, so do I

Such a quiet evaporation

We're nothing but hollow vessels in search of what makes us alive
I never said this was my revolution when you looked me in the eye
Oh, how I've walked this white line so many times before
What a feeble attempt just to feel alive

This is for you and your hopeless case
You never would leave me in your wish to fail every time
Every time I try

So talk about it
At least it makes you feel something inside

Who have I become
Oh God, everything all around me is crumbling at my feet

I stare so delicate and ashamed
At the shelf I've shed myself from

In the eyes of my ghost
And I will never look back again

Sickness...

For some reason...I really enjoy putting "ness" on the ends of words that I use. Like dude-ness...anyways

Wow...so much has been happening in the past couple of months. and I just want to say I'm sincerely sorry for not posting stuff frequently like I've hoped to...And you may say [if anyone reads this anymore even] "Well why is he sorry? It's not a big deal" I suppose I'm apologizing equally to myself as I am to anyone who chooses to read my thoughts... It's been such a great facet of life to be able to just write stuff and post it.... And I will try again to stay consistent...


I've been gone for awhile now...again
I've not yet been able to figure out exactly what is driving my actions or thoughts lately...all I know is that I'm coming back

I think I shall save the deeper bits for tomorrow

My family get's to go to Kalahari resort on the Sunday after my Spring Break starts. The Kalahari resort is a MASSIVE indoor waterpark...and somehow in God's grace my entire family is going to be there for a couple of days and one night. Justin & Beth with Sarah, Lauryn, Lainey, and Audrey; Chris & Laura with Maddie; my mom and dad...and finally me... I can't even express how excited I am to just be able to spend my last few days with my parents for awhile with my bros, too! It will be incredible to hang out with all of my nieces and wear them out in the different pools and water toys...and then chill in the hot tubs at night and talk about life.

Chances are things won't necessarily work out PERFECT with all of us there. But I pray that it will and that it will be a blessing to my parents to spend some quality time with all of us before they take off...On that note...i've been thinking a lot lately [still] about my parents leaving soon. I've decided that it would be better sooner than later, because I feel like it gets harder each and every time we get closer to the date that they leave. So, and not for my benefit, I pray that the Lord takes them into His arms and somehow provides the finances for them to be able to go over to Chi-country somehow WITHOUT anymore stress... I know He will take care of them. I know it.

My band, Come On Come Here, has some really amazing new tracks up that we've received back from our recording time in Atlanta. The stuff came out pretty dang good quality so that's amazing. This past Friday night was perhaps our best show ever...Here are a couple pretty cool pictures from that show with Bringing Down Broadway and Left Among The Ashes...

(still?)ness

do you still have that smile to which the sun can't compare?
because I've thought a lot lately about how you lit up my world, my life
you used to look at me, eye's glowing, through your purple hair
but that's gone, I missed out, and now you're going to be someone else's wife

do you still find joy in just living your own way?
because I've thought a lot lately about how you always could
or has the past pierced you so many times that you sometimes can't stand another day
I didn't know how to help, and didn't think anyone else would...

do I still have a shred of myself, a piece of innocence left?
because I've thought a lot lately about the times I've turned to anything else but You
I used to smile at ease. No worries, and laughing,behind each breath...
but I've tried every way, done everything to run away from that, even knowing that's not what I should do...

do Y(hwh)ou still look at me like that?
why do You still look at me like that?
how can You still look at me like that
because I'm too deep
because I'm too far
because I'm too unvaluable
aren't i?
No? I'm not?
No! I'm not!
I see it now...
that look in Your eyes,
that blood on Your face
that ghost inside me, screaming and touching my every sense
beckons over [and again over], "Come..."
You, my Saviour, throw out the failures!They're gone. Coverd [by that blood on your face]
the love i've lost...i missed my opportunity a long time ago...The Lord has not left me
the friends I've hurt with...we've been through everything together and still haven't healed...The Lord holds us strong
the cigarettes, the painful images, the insecurities...how did I ever get to that point? The Lord delivers and will reign over my life.
It's time for change

[wind]ing road

The wind was crazy yesterday. Absolutely crazy. I mean I was working 10pm-6am and walking around and it almost put my on my face a couple of times.

...and I could have sworn that one time, in a gust of violent wind, that God was incredibly angry at me
what have i done lately to deserve any grace?
what attempts have i made recently to anchor even one bolt to help me climb out of this cavern?
how many times have i recently [blatantly] ignored His presence. drawing me. calling to me. crying for me.?
why haven't i just let Him take me over?
what am i so afraid of?

Here's the answer key to those questions:
you've done nothing to deserve any grace...
you've not made any bolts to progress or signify a desire to leave this cavern...
too many times to count...
because you're afraid...
you're afraid of insufficiency
of incompletion
of inability


I know that this note is a bit melancholy...it is the abstractness of the core of some of the negative ideas in my head.

To be completely honest, I'm doing really, REALLY well. While I am being honest though I must say that I ran far away from my walk with the Lord for awhile. and that is changing.

Tomorrow I'll post some things that are actually happening in my life...


I do not confess that these chains are stronger than I can handle, for I am empowered by the greatest force that has or will ever exist. But it is truthfully taking me a bit longer than expected to break free.

I love ya'll...and sorry I've been away for so long. Take care, love people more than you ever thought you possibly could, and I will talk to you soon.

-sfk

Can't Stop Till I Get Enough

So a whole lot has happened over the past couple of weeks. I won't be dragging that all over your eyes, but coming soon I will let you guys know what's up...No worries...I just have to be done with Monday because I'm working until 6am and it's gonna be a lonnnnng day...

Don't worry, I've not given up on this blog...never....

o love that lasts...

something I wrote a long time ago that I just found...

o love that lasts,
you aren't the same love of my past
i'll rest in you
if you move in me
and forever I will never be
alone

~sfk~

I'm Sorry...

I'm so genuinely sorry. I hope you know that. I wish things were not as they are.

to un known

moving hands and digits
speak to you as words
i smile, adoring you
for you can't hear, or sing the chords
yet you touch my heart
in a deeper way
maybe it's because our Father,
through a pounding, breaking, shining heart,
is smiling, adoring
the way that you are
smiling, adoring
adoring even though you've been dealt a difficult card

and with a fluttering of hands
and eyes left open
your spirit, it stands...
spilling, "You took the fall,
and thought of me before all."
at this moment, in this minute
i understand another part of His heart
and together wonder how He,
smiling, adoring,
still chases me
when there exist those like you

On Heath and Grenades

Campus safety got grenade-launcher training this month...

this is, of course, me.

oh wait...no...none of that is true. Instead my 10pm-2am shift is almost over and I'm in the office. On the internet. Making $. Thinking that I want to write a deeper blog. But feeling bad about getting paid for doing so.

I'll leave you with this opinion of mine:

Heath Ledger...he died...he did a ton of drugs...he was a decent actor...why the hell is our country more concerned and distraught about his death than the innumerable amount of others that have suffered and died that have never even been given a second thought?

what about this: http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/01/26/airstrip.car.crash/index.html

or this: http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/africa/01/24/southafrica.violence.ap/index.html?iref=newssearch

what about the people next to us that have lost friends and family? In no way would I dishonor Mr. Ledger's life by speaking against him. But how in the world did we as a nation, humanity...mix up our priorities so much?

i'm done. :)

love ya'll (haven't said that in awhile)

-sfk-

p.s. Mom, I'm sorry for cussing...just being me

and i love you

ok bye

Return To Myself

To "pops":

What an interesting point you made in your comment, dad...

pops said...
Wow, writing music, lyrics, playing acoustic, practicing, working hard, loving life, caring for others, this sounds like my son is coming back!

To say that I'm coming back is to say that I have left for some amount of time. Oh, the legitimacy of that statement! I've not left a state of "normalcy", because as far as lifestyle and stateofbeing is concerned, I don't really think that there exists a normal. But, rather, there have been parts of me that have been lost in this past era of indescribable-ness. (Look that word up in Webster's dictionary, trust me)

Anyways, yes Dad, your son also feels like he [i] is [am] coming back. And I [he] feel [feels] great...

I decided to just do something that I've been thinking about for a long time and yet not taking action on. I think that God inspires me a lot by putting thoughts into my head about someone. I think that God probably does that to a LOT of us, but sometimes we ignore it and push it off as a random thought. In my case, I often have been feeling overwhelmed with emotion for some of these people in my thoughts and prayers. An example: one time, when I was a grill cook at Das Dutch Kitchen in Amish Country, OH (wow, what a long time ago), I was going out to the server station to refill my Sprite/Pepsi[mixed] and I saw this woman surrounded by what must have been her three kids. Her face set something off inside of me that I can barely describe. It was like I saw through everything and somehow KNEW that for a fact she was either having a horrible day, she is really depressed, or something has happened. This may not seem significant to you, but I was burdened, seriously burdened with this stranger's seeming, unconfirmed hurt.


Recently I have had several people on my mind that, when I think about the, my insides get stirred in a similar way. Now, this doesn't mean that I feel like each person I'm thinking about is hurting. Rather, I feel a need to think about them deeper and pray for them. SO...to make a super drawn out story short, I have posted a bunch of printed out pictures along my desk in my apartment to remind me of you all. To remind me to pray for you, and to remind me to think more sincerely and deeply of those that the Lord puts on my heart. So, as always, I think of all of you regularly. However, I'm trying to take action to remember to think more of and pray for those of you [them]

As for Danielle, everyone that keeps asking...

yes, Mom...we are taking it slow and I am genuinely SUPER happy and excited!
yes, Dad...i will be the leader, center ourselves on the Lord, and treat her well like a woman should be treated
yes, Justin...she is an amazing,gorgeous girl that I've been close friends with for a long time that I become lucky enough to have her say "yes" when I said, "so...will you be my...like...girlfriend" I am a nerd...she's a blessing, bro
yes, Paul and Amanda...I am really, genuinely happy right now. And thank you so much for your encouragement. Paul, you are so great man. It's been incredible getting to hang out and be your friend. and Amanda, it's great to know that there is someone who is passionate and caring for so many people and things as you are out there

I know that doesn't answer everything...but give it time, ey?


So...I'm coming back. In a way, breaking free of my[bound/trapped/limiting]self and returning to my[Godgivn/passionate/limitless]self

Hmm...returning to myself. That sounds like a great theme for a song doesn't it?


Danielle and I :)

Maybe I'll Come Up w/ Another Clever Title Some Other Day...

Looking back on this last post...I realized how much it reminded me of an excited kid...

And I'm not sorry for or about that :) Just made me laugh at the presentation of some things in that last posts...

Now here's what it reminded me of: my youngest niece, Audrey was visiting along with the rest of the girls one day over my Christmas break. The day was normal and I think I was in the kitchen with them eating some chips or something and just watching them hang out and chow at the dinner table with my parents (Mimi and Papa as they call them). Anyways, the oldest of the girls (Sarah) suddenly says to me, "Uncle Seth, listen to Audrey when she says hotdog!"

Sarah: "Audrey, say 'HAWWTDAWWWWG"

Audrey then gets this HUGE, excited smile on her face and both bashfully and proudly declares...."HOGWOG!"

Definitely funny...The comparison, though an abstract one, is the bashfulness and excited nature in which she declared her newly learned word. Ha... Don't worry though Danielle, I learned how to say the name 'Danielle'...a LOOONG time ago I'm sure!

or at least i think so...ha

Anyways...On to a new topic...

Bunches 'o' random new things happening:
$$$ I am on Campus Safety now for Spring Arbor University and it is such a great job! The Lord has blessed me so much with that job, because it will bring in just enough money...and it will fit my schedule (even though night shifts will take some of my energy away on certain days)... I appreciate the job so much and it's a huge blessing

!!! Will Rowland is back on campus! I just love that kid so much. Can't stop lovin' him either.

~~~ My best friend Ryan from home (Dalton) is seriously considering going to Seattle with me this summer! I am really excited about that. I know a lot of my friends say that it sounds great to seek solitude...but truthfully Ryan is the only one that I invited because he has such a real and strong sense of value for silence and peace in the Lord. He is great and our friendship used to be really sketchy for me...but wow has he grown in to even someone that I really look up to in my relationship with God. It would be a blessing for him to come with me, so I hope that happens

^^^All of my possessions with the exception of a few different memorabilia things that are stored at my oldest brother Justin's house are at my apartment at school now! How crazy is that? Answer: pretty crazy!

*** I'm starting to play acoustic guitar again. I vow to practice a ton and get to a point where I can actually play a few songs decently in the near future. Deal?


I'm in the middle of writing two different songs right now...Hopefully I'll finish them soon [lyrically] and I'll put them, at least one of them, on here.

I hope all of you who read this, even secretly without commenting, are doing okay. I think about all of you a whole lot and just want you to know how much I really do care for each of you, it doesn't even matter what our relationship is seemingly like...

Have a great day and talk to me, ey?

GREAT daze

Yesterday was an amazing day in more ways than one and today is going to be a great day, too. My friends C.J., Mikey V, and Nick Ev and I are going to play Lord of the Rings RISK (I never thought I would sound that nerdy)...and it's going to be GREAT! We "scheduled" six hours of our day out for this game and hope for it to be awesome!

After that some prayer with a friend, THENNNN hot tubbin later tonight at Barnes' house. How could this day get ANY better?

Well I'll tell you...if I saw this girl (okay, fine I'll just say it-- DANIELLE!! :) ) The day would actually be WAAAAAAAY greater!!! Don't worry, I'll write more on that later once I figure out what to write :)

Life is great right now, and that's a 100% honest, genuine statement from my heart right now. And it feels good.

Everyone have a great day, will ya?

sfk

what's new?

So a lot of...well I guess I can just say "really great" stuff has been happening in my life in the past couple of months.

Some things I've learned:

*unless you actually sacrifice the time and aspects of your life that you always SAY you will but never actually do, you will keep getting bogged down with life and its overloading tendencies...

*being at the lowest point in your life, providing that somehow you can hold on to your saviour's reaching hand, is actually an amazing thing

*the Ohio State Buckeyes are incredible, even though they can't seem to pull off a national championship...

*I actually DO know what things are most important to me, and it boggles my mind that I don't concentrate more on these people and things rather than crap that, honestly, has no lasting significance
Those things that I value and realized I need to spend more time on: my brothers, my mom and dad, my friends, my mind, and NO DOUBT my intimacy with the Lord

*why NOT be crazy and live a little?

*smoking REAAAALLLY decreases your lungs' Oxygen capacity...

*and much, much more.

Over Christmas break, I had a very hard time saying goodbye to my parents. Though I'll see them probably a couple more times before they take off the the Chinaland, my dad always seems to get me. Once again we just stood up and hugged each other and cried for several minutes [it is such a rare and valued occasion to cry...I don't know if I've written about this before...but it is such a blessing to be able to cry once in awhile. And truthfully, I get really pissed off when I am going through something and have tons of thoughts just FLYING around in my head and I can't let any of it out in any way...anyways...maybe I'll write a song about it, ey?]...This time when we hugged (as opposed to last time before the Fall '07 semester started) I, for some reason started thinking about all of these memories that I've shared with my dad and it was overwhelming that, well...reality is now saying to me that "Seth, it really is a good time for you to break out of that cage, you know?"...

I couldn't stop thinking about all of the times that he's called me "bud" and that in him saying that three letter word I got to see, practically every single time, that he loves me so much. I remember, dad, all of the times that you've coached me with baseball and come to my games. I remember our "puberty" trip with the Dr. James Dobson (hahaha) tapes. and us catching no fish, but seeing the praying mantis in the parking lot and just spending time with you was so great. I still remember playing alligator with you in our many different living room's and drinking a Killian's with you and thinking it was GROSS!
my dad is the one in the front with the huge white beard, and I am right next to him with sunglasses and a redbeard!

You see, my parents, OHHHHH and my mom included believe me, have been the biggest blessing in my life. Thank you guys so much. I'm sorry for being so sentimental right now...but honestly I could go on and on and on. You mean so much to me and it's awesome to be able to now say "I'm proud of you guys and what you're doing" I couldn't be more pumped for you two to go over there and obey the Lord like you are. And I try to pray for you both to receive larger amounts of money, and confidence, and courage, and peace every time that I pray.

anyways...I'm in the library right now and this writing is making me tear up and, of course we can't have that. I mean come on, I am in a hardcore band and after all, I have a full, large red beard :) So we can't have that in public. (of course i'm just kidding)...but seriously :)

Life is great right now. Everything seems to be going well. And there's no way that I will confess anything negative right now because, well...Satan just does NOT deserve it.

I will start writing more on my blog now...no worries...so keep up because some chains are about to be broken!

New Year, New Outlook (lookingup)

There is so much to look forward to in the next year
So much up in the air
So much that I'm dredding (hmm...not sure if that's spelled right but I don't care :I)
So much fun ahead of me
So much opportunity
So much potential
So much NEW YEAR that I can finally, prayerfully and hopefully, use wisely and diligently to honor my Saviour and rest in His peace and joy!

that's what I'm talkin' bout

i'll write more on this later....but let's be honest, it's 2:21 am and I'm ready for sleep

Thank you Lord for all of your blessings as they continually, though I intentionally blind myself from them sometimes, fill my life. Words cannot express enough of my thankfulness, but hopefully obedience and the building up of good character can.
cristus victor

:.sfk.:

Roller Coaster

Isn't it crazy how much of a roller coaster ride each aspect of our life can be?

I'm hoping...praying...that somehow the Lord will show me another bit of grace so that where I'm at, will be the bottoming out of my ride.

I won't be returning to "normal". I'll be changing myself and learning from what I've done. That, I think, is what I am supposed to do when this all starts to dissipate. Thank you all for any encouragement that you've shown me.

haze

i can't remember the last time in the past month when I felt more in a haze
maybe its the medicine I'm on
or maybe I need to get my act together

Oh god, Oh god
I just deceived
this LOvE for me
what keeps me safe
what keeps me clean

and are my prayers worth nothing?
(you're looking straight at me)
do they go to waste?
(and offer your hand)
are you still reaching for me?
(but my arms are busy)
((am i still in your grace?))

Oh man, Oh man
if i just believed
your LOvE for me
what keeps me strong
what holds my peace
there's this feeling i'm getting
and its tangling my nerves
that maybe, oh just maybe........

you'd take back this mangled heart for one more time and move me........

oh hear my cry though its nothing
(its gotta be worth something)
don't let it go to waste
(i beg you to hear)
please take me by the hand
(my hands are free)
and let me see your face